Am I bad in bed?
It takes two to have bad sex, says our lesbian sexpert
Dear Hot Stuff,
I've been told by previous girlfriends that at the beginning I was bad in bed. I've just met this amazing girl and I'm really nervous about having sex with her for the first time. Since learning about my lack of moves, the first time I sleep with someone now, I just get pissed and close my eyes. I really, really like this person though and I don't want to f*** it up. What can you suggest?
Casey from Fulham
Dear First Time Blues from Fulham,
Well, that's not really a very nice thing to say to someone, now, is it? I would be curious to know more about the manner in which this revelation was given. Just how many previous girlfriends have told you this? Were you told during an argument or in the spirit of confidence? Perhaps it was during a round of truth or dare...?
In any case, I'm going to tell you something extraordinarily important and I want you to weigh each word carefully and etch them into memory. I've said it before in these columns and I will keep saying it until everyone learns that IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO HAVE SEX.
Sex is an interaction, a negotiation, an exchange, hell, call it a dance if you want - and if you are unfortunate enough to have been obliged to watch an episode of Strictly Come Dancing with the in-laws (as I have) then you will know that no matter how effing aweseome the dancer is, if she's doing it with Ann Widdecombe then there is no way it's gonna be sexy. But when paired with the other pros during the group dances, well, the sequences can be mind-blowing. It all depends on the partner. (Even Ann Widdecombe managed to pull off the odd move in the end...)
Sex is the same.
You need to understand this in order to move forward and regain a bit of confidence in the bedroom. There are of course, other basic things you can do to help yourself back on the path of goodly orgasms: NEVER lie back and think of England and NEVER get drunk before a first time with a new person! First times are all about getting to know one another, exploring, attempting and then giggling when something doesn't work. Hell, first times are the best times precisely because of this beautiful imprecision! Be attentive, confident and enjoy yourself. First times with people rarely represent the pinnacle of possible sex with that person but they always get better. It's when they don't that it's time to think about learning some new moves or changing dance partner...
After all, don't they say it takes two to tango?