Don’t make me date lesbians online!
Is the internet better than the scene when you’re looking for love?
Dear Gemma (please don't make me call you Hot Stuff, although I am sure you are),
I came out to my friends and family exactly a year ago, after 10 years of unnecessary self-hate and drama, but to be honest with you, I thought my dating life would be slightly more exciting than it is now. At the same time I came out I met my first girlfriend, who was from another country. She has since had to leave because her visa ran out and I am now trying to start dating again but I find it difficult, to say the least.
I am about to venture out to a gay bar with some mates for the first time in about five years. I am hoping that the "scene" hasn't changed from my in closet days and I am hoping maybe to meet someone. Apparently lesbians are getting younger... (I am 24 next month. Is that old?)
In my head I can summarise my problem with: "I have an absolute fear of putting a photo of myself on a dating website...''
Do you have any advice?
Jayne from Gloucestershire
Dear Jayne (since we're using first names),
I think we all think everything in life will be more exciting than it actually is, never mind dating! I have ardently believed for years now that I'd be a millionaire TV producer at 30, married to Angelina Jolie, raising a gaggle of foreign infants and a herd of domestic animals in perfect harmony. I mean, it could happen in the four years that remain til deadline, but as the minutes tick by, it's looking more and more unlikely...
The key to dating is not to go setting yourself up with ideas. A watched pot never boils and all that malarkey, but when it comes to dating it's absolutely true. Why, some of my most disappointing nights out were the ones that began with me saying, 'I absolutely must score this evening,' whilst some of the best and most successful, began as casual nights out with mates.
Is the scene getting younger and younger? I'm not sure. I'm pretty positive it changes from city to city... If anyone has any opinions on this matter, I invite them to share them in the comments. It would be interesting to find out. What's for sure though is that if 'serious' dating is what you're after, I'm not convinced that the 'scene' is the best place to begin.
Where might the best place be? Ah, that's right. Those damned dating websites, apps and what-have-you. I'm a big, big fan. There is no shame whatsoever; you can be as in/active as you like, and you have the power to control who sees you and who you can see. Plus, apps like Dattch are available on the go on your smartphone. Dating whilst sitting on the loo? What's not to like? Why don't you begin gently by dipping your toe into the tepid waters of online dating with a Gaydargirls account and see where things go from there?
And no, 24 isn't old!
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