I love my straight girlfriend
A lesbian writes in to say her partner of four years identifies as heterosexual
Dear Hot Stuff,
After reading your column last week, I wanted to write to you and share my story. I've been with my heterosexual partner for four years now and we are very much in love. She has never been with another woman and she doesn't identify as lesbian; nevertheless we are together and pretty happy.
I genuinely do believe that love between a lesbian and a heterosexual is possible, the only downside is the constant feeling that she is attracted to men. For example, she still believes she will end up married to one.
In my relationship it's a pretty big itch that is impossible to scratch! It is for this reason that I think anyone thinking of beginning a relationship with a hetero, might just be setting themselves up for heartbreak.
Thanks for listening.
Candy from Islington
Dear Impossible from Islington,
Thank you very much for sharing your story with me. I have to say that it confirms one of my biggest reservations about lesbian/hetero relationships- the niggling doubt that in some cases, you're notreallyexactly what the other person wants. Of course there can be exceptions, I'm sure there are 'heterosexuals' who entirely assume their 'lesbianism' (hence becoming bi) but without really saying it out loud. I'm sure there are girls who will take you to meet their parents but not their mates. I'm sure there are girls who fall in love with other girls and just refuse to act upon it! There must be an entire spectrum of acceptance, and let's face it, when sexuality and identity clash, nothing can really be simple...
Like you, I do believe that love can be possible, but can it be easy? As easy as falling for a lesbian? Maybe not. Of course, all of this doesn't mean we are stupid for trying. I often think that a tiny, weeny bit of fear in a relationship can also be a good thing, preventing us from becoming blasé and bored (and boring!) It's up to each individual to discover if they are willing to take that risk.
I sincerely wish you all of the best in your relationship. I hope you guys live happily ever after…
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