Know when it’s over
Why it's best to end what you're in before you get into something new.
Dear Hot Stuff,
I know it's not a very nice thing to do, but I've been e-cheating on my girlfriend. Our relationship has been in serious difficulty for some time now, an endless cycle of arguments punctuated by constant break-ups and reunions. I was so down that I began a 'relationship' with a girl on Gaydar. Well, after a spate of amusing phone shenanigans it turns out she's a sex fiend and won't stop calling me! What should I do?
Dear Lothario in London,
'Crime never pays' don't they say? It should probably be cheating never pays, and it's true. 'It'll all come out in the wash' is another I'm particularly fond of, and in my experience it really does. And isn't there another saying about broken things not being worth fixing? I agree with that too, but although some things aren't worth fixing, most things deserve the respect of being told that they're actually broken.
Tut, tut, Lothario. Indeed there are two issues at hand here; one, your unhealthy relationship that should have been dealt with long ago, and two, DON'T give your number to strange girls on the internet!
Just to be conventional, let's address issue one first. Breaking up or being broken up with, is never a pleasant experience. Far from it, I would hazard that it's just about one of the most painful processes one can go through this side of actual maiming or say, GBH… Having said that, dragging things out only can only ever make the situation worse. Someone has to be the matador, taking the bull by the horns and bloody well putting the thing to rest.
Keeping a relationship alive that it so clearly unhealthy is like Sigourney Weaver turning to the alien and saying, 'Well okay, let's try this one more time, I know you mean well, I guess we could give it another go'. NO. At some point the ghost must be given up. It's a question of both parties' sanity and well-being. More than that, it's about honesty. One of you having the balls to stand up and say, I love you, but this is fucking miserable and it's just not working.
With regard to our second issue, Lothario - don't go looking around until the beast (or alien, if you like) is dead as t'were. This is the horror movie equivalent of having stabbed the baddie, sighing with relief, and calmly looking around in the debris for a posh crystal-cut glass with which to have a nice calm drink WHEN EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS HE'S STILL ALIVE. Only when your prior relationship has truly been concluded and the emotional baggage locked away somewhere, should you begin to think about jumping back in the saddle.
So in conclusion, I would blame bad karma for your bad luck in e-love.
But seriously, take care of the relationship that is on the line before launching into online.
And in the future, stick to Skype-sex. Cam2cam is always a riot and you can block contacts who get too, er, sticky.
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