My best friend is my ex
DIVA’s sexpert unravels a tangled web of lesbian love
Dear Hot Stuff,
My best friend just so happens to be my ex-girlfriend. I know some people might find this strange but it's always worked out for us. Well, she has a new girlfriend and so do I. We're trying to all get along together but there are obviously tensions below the surface that I can't quite put my finger on. We are all four about to attempt a trip away together...
Good or bad idea?
Dear Incestuous in Islington,
Good gosh! You have a right well and proper lesbian spider-web on your hands there, darlin'. What to do?
Being best friends with exes can be positive. In principal, I'm a big advocate of successful relationships (if indeed the relationship was successful), enduring and transforming into friendships over time. These friendships can be deep: intimate, caring and - it goes without saying - 100% platonic. But no matter how purely platonic, no matter if one partner has become heterosexual, or otherwise off the menu, you can bet your bottom dollar that more changes will have to be made when new partners arrive on the scene.
It's not about sex. It's a bond that has survived break-ups, trials and tribulations. It's about taking that bond and stretching it to accommodate new people.
Thank goodness, then, that you both have new birds simultaneously! At least it's going to be equally as strange for both of you to see each other happy with someone else. Let's just pray that your new girls are patient and secure in your love for them. Coming in from the outside into this must surely be even harder... Let's also hope they have appetites for this kind of comically complicated situation.
Before going away together I suggest that the four of you go on smaller outings and get to know each other. You with your ex's new girlfriend and your ex with your new girlfriend. With any luck, heck, even the new girlfriends will like each other!
If it doesn't work out, enjoy a couple of passive-aggressive spats or two, or three, but above all, decide where your priorities lie. You and your ex may have an intrinsic link but unless you can be happy, wholly happy for one another, without jealousy or acrimony, it might be worth reflecting on whether it is a relationship capable of evolving positively in the future.
And if it doesn't work out, bloody hell, get drunk and have a foursome. I guarantee you'll all be BFFs in the morning!