My girl’s great but her accent grates

Regional accents: seriously sexy or total turn-off?


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Dear Hot Stuff,

 

I have finally slept with this girl that I'd been dying to it on get with for months! She's bloody gorgeous, you know, the charmer that everyone wants a piece of. But, I was a bit drunk and hadn't realised that despite her inhuman good looks, she has a really strong Newcastle accent. And when I mean strong I mean, almost to the point of incoherency. Needless to say, the sex was amazing and we want to see each other again but I just can't help feeling put off... I don't mean to be uppity or anything, I just found it really unattractive. 

 

I'm a bad person, right?

 

Lizzy from Gloucestershire

 

 

Dear Non-Geordie from Gloucestershire,

 

Well now then, me wee lass, what's all this goin' on like? 

 

The problem, me love, is that a'd love to give ya an objective answer like, but ah have to be honest and tell ya reet now that a'm a Geordie lass meself like, and hence any attempt at partiality is just like total not possible, like if ya kna what ah mean. 

 

This isn't really the reet place fur a lesson in English dialects and what-have-ya, but ah can tell ya that 'Geordie', perhaps more so than any other localised accent or dialect, maybe even in the country, is considered imbued with a total sense of regional identity and pride. Ya kna, a bit like gay Pride but Geordie pride.  

 

This pride doesn't only stem from an obstinate solidarity in the face of opinion that would proclaim Geordie inferior to Standard English (before you go getting all like, 'North and South divide' on us there, Gloucestershire) but also comes from being different to other Northern accents, too. A Geordie is from Newcastle and wuh proud of that. 

 

What ah mean te say is, whatever ya dee, ah would very strongly suggest that ya divn't mention to this lass that ya think her accent is ugly. A'm not really sure how well that would go doon like. 

 

And now ya thinking, well about that penchant that all Geordie speakers have for booze and tanning booths - the typical proletarian drunk ah've seen all to much of on Geordie Shore and the like?  Please divn't let one really crap television show put you off an entire area or confuse telly-reality with reality. The Geordie North-East (specifically Tyneside and Northumbria), conforms to the same sociolinguistic principles as the rest of the UK (the more non-standard speech ya use, the poorer or badly educated ya are, reet?). So just because ya might think we've got a dodgy accent doesn't mean we're all incoherent orange-utans, just like all Southerners aren't all Eton-educated toffs.

 

It's peculiar really, I meself have always found accents other than me own canny sexy, almost exotic if ya will, and though it's difficult to imagine a Geordie accent being mistaken as sexy, it should be possible to say to yeself: 'Ok, it's maybes not me cup of brew, but ah can manage', cos this lass is kind, lovely, great in bed and she total wants to see us again.' No?

 

Play ya cards reet and she might even take ya up North for a Newcastle Brown and walk in the fresh Northern air. You'd be very lucky!

 

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