My girl's perfect, but we've never met
A cyber-dating reader worries that there’ll be no spark in real life.
Dear Hot Stuff,
I've totally lost it for a girl. She is beautiful, intelligent and totally hilarious. She speaks four languages, is attentive, present and giving. She's interesting and interested in me and tells me she wants to know me inside and out. Did I mention she's got a dirty mind and a knack for phone sex?
All this and I've never actually met her… Don't judge me! We found one another on the internet and I've been living in bliss ever since. I'm meeting her this weekend for the first time. I'm terrified. Do you have any advice for this sort of thing?
Madeleine from Seaton Sluice
Dear Cyberspace in Seaton Sluice,
The internet is a minefield. It's possible to cross to the other side and snatch the girl/flag/Dior handbag at eBay bargain price, but one foot wrong and BOOM, there goes said foot.
Or heart, in this case.
Cyberspace, I'm a firm believer in the potential of internet dating. It's not embarrassing. It's here, it's now, people are doing it; gay, straight, bi and lesbian. Friendships are founded, relationships are forged, e-sex is had on tap and real-life hook-ups just as much. Gaydar Girls, HER, Brenda, Tinder - a plethora of online flirting goodness to be had at the flick of a button, the click of a keyboard. Don't for a second think that you're the only one. In my experience, those who turn their nose up at e-dating are probably those busiest getting' it onnnn.
But going back to those landmines… For better or worse, what's going down on the net isn't always representative of what's going down in real life. She might be horrible, hideous or hairy in places girls shouldn't be (a matter of opinion). She might think the same about you. Critics of technology tend to say that we're cut off, stranded in the virtual world. Not true. The web is alive with connections, hotspots, sparks… Sometimes it's easier to spill your guts over the internet than tell someone in front of you how you feel. But be prepared for changes when virtuality becomes reality.
As for your hot date, have you spoken about the possible outcomes with your 'amoureuse'? In this type of scenario I don't think it hurts to be realistic. Have a discussion, make a plan B so that in case you don't spend all night gazing hungrily into each others eyes/and or bonking like bunnies after a week of frustration and insatiable sexting, then you can at least agree to crack open a bottle of wine and veg out in front of a movie. It would be a shame to waste the energy you seem to have put into one another…
Above all, be yourself and with any lucks sparks might just fly.