She's selfish in bed
DIVA’s sexpert offers advice to a reader with a lazy girlfriend
Dear Hot Stuff,
I'm so very in love with my new girlfriend. She's BEAUTIFUL and so horribly, disgustingly HOT, I just don't know what to do with myself...
The problem is that she knows and I think that over the years it might have made her a bit of a princess, if you know what I mean. Most noticeably, it makes her quite selfish in the sack.
And it seems to be getting worse and it's a little upsetting. It's making me question my own self-esteem. I've been down that road before and I'm not eager to do it again.
Any help would be appreciated.
Marion from Ponteland
Dear Pauper from Ponteland,
As in the Prince(ss) and the. Right? Ok, so it was a long shot.
Dear Pauper. As someone who has been there and done that myself, first of all: my sympathies. It certainly is a horrible feeling being the underdog in the relationship. It's the same feeling I get when, as a Northerner, I find myself in certain parts of London, or say, in those posh boutiques where you feel you should be paying for the air...
As if you shouldn't be there because you're somehow not quite worth it. Right?
I could go one of two ways on this. My first tactic would be to say (obviously, in the voice of Cheryl Cole), 'Of course you're worth it!' Followed ever so possibly by a 'Get over it!' As if feeling slightly less desired and/or desirable than you have felt in other relationships is normal because your new girlfriend is so hot and you have ego issues. In which case, your self-esteem is entirely to blame and you should shut up, get over yourself and deal with it. Got that?
Secondly, I could say that it's not normal and never acceptable to be feeling anything other that entirely desired and wanted in a relationship and that one should never, ever have the impression of being a second-class citizen. Especially in the bedroom! In which case, I would also venture that you should question any relationship and any partner that makes you feel like that.
I have a personal tendency to shut away questions and worries because I figure, it's probably my fault anyway or I'm being silly. But don't follow my example, Pauper; it almost always ends in tears. Trust your own emotions! Yes, she's hot, but that doesn't make you any less hot or your needs in the hay any less precious than hers.
Talk to her. Tell her that her lack of attention towards you is making you feel dodgy. See how she reacts. If she flounces and is aggressive about it, then call Mario and get him to come rescue his princess. If she's apologetic and understanding, maybe you guys could negotiate that the usurper seize power for a while...
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