She’s too sexy for me

So, you’ve met this spectacular goddess, but nerves have got the better of you. Let our sexpert advise...




Dear Hot Stuff,


Oh my god. I've met this incredibly cool woman. She's an ex strip-teaser, and incredibly, extraordinarily hot. This might be the first time in my life that I've found myself sexually intimidated. She has the body of a GOD. What should I do if she wants to have sex with me?


Jessica from Scarborough



Dear Scaredy Cat from Scarborough,


Hm, I'm torn like Natalie Imbruglia here, my darling. This is where I'm supposed to tell you, don't worry about it, chillax, she has to like the real you, if not, it's not going to work, be yourself...


But for a change I'm not going to do that.


There are two things to bear in mind here. One, strip-teasers are people, and two, sex is best when you're at ease. In order to be at ease remember what we established at number one: that this is a human person and not a deity, and the three Ps - prepare, powder and preen.


To prepare for a hot date, do the following:


Night prior to hot date, shave, shave and shave some more. (We'll talk about the feminist implications of shaving another day. Remove ALL the hair you wish to, from your body.)


Go for the natural look in regard to make-up and clothes. Overdoing it might make you even more nervous.


Put on your best perfume.


Tell all your mates where you're going and to text after 30 minutes, just in case hot date turns out to be a) psychopathic, b) a man or c) a Tory.


You could also try reading lesbian erotica to give you some ideas before the big night.


But to finish back where we began: if your deity likes you, don't panic and be yourself, REALLY. Think of all those Greek gods who fell in love with mortals. And no they didn't ALWAYS die, some of them lived happily ever after. The end.



Only reading DIVA online? You're missing out. For more news, reviews and commentary, check out the latest issue. It's pretty badass, if we do say so ourselves. //


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