The million-dollar question: where can I meet women?
Not keen on the scene? Lesbians and bi women know where the girls are… Prepare to meet thy mate!
"I don't like going to bars and clubs. Where else can I meet gay and bi women?"
When a reader asked us this question, we asked it right back - on our Facebook page - and here's what you told us… in your own words, puncuation, txtspk, etc.
KBA Lgbt groups :)
EH the most obvious is the online menu that is gaydargirls :)
AD Pink Sofa!
MM Pink Sofa!!
AM pride events :)
JMW Through joining sports teams and societies at university. The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you are to find gay and bi women. :)
DS Check out pinksofa online, I have been a member twice in the last few years before I met my now fiancee on there, its easygoing and not quite as intense as gaydar, so u can get to know people first and take it slow if u wish, I made some great friends along the way and its a great way to meet people :) I'd recommend it to anyone and the first month is usually free :) x
JCH Pink Sofa!! Its amazing. Gaydar is a pick up site - if she is serious about wanting to meet decent women who are serious about dating, then the sofa is the way to go!
RHH There are lots of groups on the internet now. They're not as full of weirdos as you might think. Lol
LLK gaydargirls is where i met my wife and we're still very much in love after three
CE L Fest! A friendly relaxed environment, whether your into music, arts or games we have it all and even a solos area so you can join in fun with others :-)
LT I would say dont look or force the situation. You will find someone when you are least expecting it. It could be the person on the end of the phone at work from a random call, or the shop assistant who serves you or the girl who walks through your door at work to drop off a leaflet or the postwoman. The point is love you will find
JLW Gaydar girls is a great way to meet girls, I met my wife on there
HHPW Any pride events are a good way of getting out there and meeting new people. Obvious one is pink soffa or gaydar but plenty of fish is good. Also, gigs are a good way of meeting people. Ive never met so many lebians as i did when i saw p!nk and kd lang live!!
AD If you prefer to meet in person, rather than online, and you're in London, there's always Gay's The Word Bookshop Lesbian Discussion Group every Wednesday at 8.00pm. Discussions are a wide-ranging collection about our lives and last about an hour, then it's off to the pub afterwards for a drink where the discussions can continue, or you can get to know each other a bit better. You'll already know her name by then after the introductions, and if you've forgotten cos the discussion was so riveting, you can always start a conversation with, "I'm sorry I didn't catch/have forgotten your name..." Then arrange to meet for a coffee and the world is your lobster! There you go, the GTW dating method (unofficial). If you just wanted to talk with other similar people, where better tha this discussion group?
SL If she lives in/near Brighton & Hove www.zhooshbrighton.co.uk is a specific non-scene guide to events and groups activities taking place. She could even start her own group to meet other women.
BPWH Tangowire is another good site, where I have met the love of my life, however be warned many of the women are from the US and it causes so many problems with them not recognising same sex unions, which I have found out to my dismay, however, too much in love to stop now so we live in hope. She will probably have to move here once she retires in 5 years time, until their laws change anyway. Another reason to continue the fight for equal rights for all! I hope you find someone x
KO Being a metal/goth/alt type, I'm not very comfortable in the gay mainstream and just end up complaining about the music at clubs, but in the last two years I've met and dated people at the goth & alternative group in Pride London. So yeah, Pride events - they're often outdoors, let you have actual conversations and mean that you don't have to spend ages playing "guess her orientation".
RM My house. ;) (Editor: There's always one...)
AS I met my current partner online, she is from the US and its going very well but I honestly did and still do feel like the online world is my only option! I have hardly any lesbian friends for this same reason! where are all these book groups and coffee mornings that people rave about! oh yes London! maybe that's the answer! all lesbians should move to London! throw in to the mix a disabbility which just makes travelling around that bit harder!
KC A local LGBT magazine I found in the library when I moved city two years had details of all sorts of groups - LGBT support groups, a choir, a walking group, a book club and so on. Libraries and other public noticeboards can be surprisingly informative when it comes to that sort of thing! Going into LGBT cafés/pubs during the day isn't so scary either, they often have leaflets and magazines about advertising local groups.
KLH At work! I met my partner at work 5 years ago, been together 3 years and VERY happy and in love (also met my ex there but lets not go there) never been to a gay bar in my life! I met my 1st gf online x
DG I met my wife on gaydargirls :D xx
HP Anyone in south wales area should check out "songbirds" Cardiff gay women's choir (find us on fb)
KC (although I met my girlfriend through twitter - I asked if anyone knew of spare rooms in the area, a mutual friend gave me details of her friend's room, I moved in and...yeah. We really broke that removal van on second date thing by living together before we got involved!)
SBG online. i met my gf of 2 years online :)
CW I met my wife on gaydargirls 5 years ago. I have also made a lot of friends from there too :)
AM If you're in the South West check out missinglesbians.co.uk or lgbtbristol.org.uk for details of events and groups such as networking evenings, walking clubs, badminton groups and other fun, non-club/bar oriented stuff! Your local authority website may also offer listings...
BD Try a Heather Peace gig. Wall-to-wall lesbians. Made some new friends there
LM I met my girlfriend on Gaydar and I think its fine as long as you except you will get girls whi are after just one thing. It took a lot ot seraching to find my girlfriend. Pink sofa is really good though and I've met girls on there too. I also think it's good to see if your local area has any groups. Bristol has one whos aim is to introduce girls that don't want to meet at bars and clubs.
SC Try joining a sports group. Everyone says football is great but I've found roller derby to be even better. Meet lovely woman and stay fit and active at the same time.
HC Pinksofa. I met my fiancee on the sofa a couple years ago. I'd recommend it to anyone x
SW My place! (Editor: Or two...)
AM i met my wife 5yrs ago at work, through a friend of hers that worked with me! There are so many ways of finding love, BUT ONLY ONE WAY LOVE WILL FIND YOU!
HJ It depends on where you live. Try googling your town name and lesbian, if there is a decent lesbian community group in the area it should have its information out there somewhere online. Also try searching yahoo groups and facebook pages. In the Midlands there are at least two good yahoo groups (Go Getting Out (which covers the whole of the midlands) and Link Notts) that enable people to subscribe and then post about meeting up in non scene type ways. In Leicester we have Rubyfruit Women which is a group that meets on a wednesday night, and we try to get a real mix of events, so that something should appeal to everyone. Our ages range from 25 to 73. The events list is available on our page on the Leicester LGBT centre website http://www.leicesterlgbtcentre.org/groups/support-and-social/rubyfruit-women, or on our facebook page www.facebook.com/RubyfruitWomen or via our weekly email (firstname.lastname@example.org). There is also SpaSisters in Leamington Spa. I've always thought it would be great if Diva would consider doing a feature on community groups, or having a small directory, where people can find group's contact details by area.
SJ A pink concert !
MD Church, meet ups, sports, gym, park, the beach, i met my fiance at church
SF Sports clubs ;)
TT Personally i recommend sports clubs.had most successes there but tbh you can meet people anywhere if you have confidence.may seem like a cliche but we are everywhere if you just open your eyes to the possibility.good luck!
JC If you're within reach of London and fancy learning or just dancing Ballroom and Latin American you can come to Waltzing with Hilda on the second Sat of every month (except August) at Jackson's Lane Theatre opposite Highgate tube. Check out www.hildas.org.uk or contact the organisers via facebook - Wendy Glaze and Wonnita Olafisoye. It's HUGE fun, friendly and welcoming!
KKE In your backyard! Go out, i mean Out -OUT! If u are a book worm, ant library, book shoppe, book-nook cafe. Adventurers, go the places u like, river rafting, kyaking, hiking, boarding! And for the home-body, have friends over (the more often the better) and tell them to bring a friend. You want to meet someone you can do your FAVORITE activities with (other than the obvious... :-) so why not try meeting someone while actually living your life and DOING WHAT YOU LOVE? And dont forget to LOVE what you are doing! Dont be afraid to start the conversation, there are a lot of shy people out there, dont live with regrets because you couldnt gather enough courage to say hi, those two simple letters together could be a lifetime of a beautiful friendship if nothing else, and who dosnt need more beautiful people in their life? You can do this, so go into the world an make it happen!!! -Oregon girl
KR Any cult, gstar or bench shop! The place is hoaching with them (Editor: Hoaching??)
RS If you like singing there are a number of LGBT choirs around the country. I sing with the Pink Singers LGBT Community choir, brilliant place to make friends, sing, dance, perform and as much social activity to go with it! Many people have come for the singing and found the love of their life, me included :D
AC omg!!! there are so many different places, having said that i think it does rather depend on where abouts you live as to what there is in the area . if you have transport and are you willing to travel , if its yes to all the above , then there are you local reading groups , walking groups, lbgt and of course bars and clubs and then there are online sites and magazines like the diva , the opportunities are endless..
LG Sports clubs, gay cafes (they are real!!), pride events, online, through other friends, work. Te be honest, if you don't look for a girlfriend you'll end up finding one!
EJD You'd be amazed how many lesbians & bi women there are on the alternative scene. Poetry, live music and spoken word nights, anything vintage, bohemian, or creative, and the geek scene - there are tons in sci-fi and fantasy fandom.
HW knock on my door !!!!!!! ;) (Editor: Or three... You wags.)
VE Find a vegie/ vegan cafe! Haha
CT maybe try a sports club, womens rugby is pretty good, lots of fun and not full of all the stereotypical gays that you may think. You could also try some live music gigs and festival season is coming up!
NF Some great examples here but just be yourself and go shopping. speak to random people when the chance arrives.. I mean who wants to meet a drunk dyke.? It isn't nice. And also people lie about themselves on social media sites.. I met a police officer that loved to lie.!! Just go out and about more.. Festivals are a nice place to meet nice people.. Think about the type on person you wish to meet then hang out there...
ST Shop in Waitrose :-)
PF In the 'good old days' there was the UK lesbian Chat room....it used to get 'packed' most nights other than for an hour on Thursdays when 'Bad Girls' was aired! I started chatting to a name one evening....it turned out they were in Australia but were planning a trip to the UK. This tripped happened and I now live in Oz...we have been together for ten years. A fairy tale romance!
JH Check out a Jill Jackson gig! Amazing singer and has a massive lesbian fan base, you are bound to meet the woman of your dreams. Plus you get to experience a fantastic singer songwriter. Good luck! x
HHDD Definitely recommend checking in with the groups on www.meetup.com, there seems to be a group for literally every passtime online AND loads of lgbt groups too. I always find it easiest to meet new people when you're taking part in something you enjoy, breaks down the barriers and lets you share a laugh too :)
SD Go out for a walk,when someone catches your eye say "hi".Women love to chat,even shy girls when you smile at them.A smile opens the door to a million different scenarios,friendship,fun and love if you are lucky.The world is full of unique personalities that are looking for a perfect fit,be open and happy,fill your heart with hope and i'm sure she will recognise her reflection in you.
TR Go volunteer at a gay and lesbian centre! Or join your local pride committee, go to pride fundraising events (they are things like BBQ's and stuff, not all clubbing and stuff), etc.
KF Apparently Tuesday nights in Asda. (Editor: Who knew?)
CF So a lot of people are recommending Pink Sofa & Gaydar on here; what do people think of Gay Parship? (which I always think of as 'gay parsnip'!)
CB I wish I remember the exact wording but remember the essence of some good advice: stop looking for someone to love & start doing what you love - you'll meet them there.
GGR Lucky for you it's pride season so hopefully you'll be spoiled for choice. I have always found sports club to be a great way to meet new people and make new friends. Soccer, in particular :)
LS I met my wife on datingdirect.com. I found that if you pay for a website, you find people who are really serious about a relationship. Sites like gaydar and plenty of fish (PoF) tend to be full of people who are out for what they can get because they have nothing to lose by joining. However, when I first came out I didn't know a single lesbian or any gay bars and I'd never heard of LGBT. A friend told me about gaydar and I met my (now) best friend on there. I think the sites can be very useful to make friends. If you do use the sites to make friends then you can make your own group of lesbian friends - and you can pick and choose who you like!
KR Ikea its teeming with gay women and I came out whilst working there.
LK The Draft House. Lordship Lane, East Dulwich, London Se22 on Thursday evenings so I've been told :-)
VE ooor join a rugby team :) just been to newquay on tour for 7 a side...and you will definatelty get to meet some playing rugby! fact