The pros and cons of having a same-sex partner

It's great having a girlfriend - except when it isn't


Published:

Adobe/javiindy

 

Being a lady and having a lady-friend is amazing. I love being with women for lots of reasons. So, I've compiled a list of what I would consider the top benefits of being a bird and having a bird.

 

Boobs. I don't need to justify or explain this one. Just boobs.

 

Clothes sharing. Now this is a little bitty of a double-edged sword. For me, I love to steal my girlfriend's clothes. We're the same size, she has good taste, when we got together I effectively doubled my wardrobe... cha-ching! I do, however, find myself getting angry when I go to put her leather jacket on and she's wearing it. THE CHEEK.

 

Mother Nature caught you off guard and your monthly womanly gift comes early?It's cool, there will be an almost full box of tampons sitting in the bathroom cabinet because your girlfriend has stocked up.

 

Having a really interesting conversation on the way to the bathroom? We don't need to stop because we go into different toilets, we can continue that conversation whilst in the queue, whilst sitting on the toilet, and continue it while we're drying our hands. Convenient. Other things can also happen in same sex toilets/changing rooms… but they are naughty and I'd never dream of doing such a thing.

 

No facial hair in the sink. However if your lady has long hair do expect every surface in your home to be littered in bloody kirby grips and hair-bands.

 

We can confidently identify that mythical female body part - the clitoris. And we also know how to work it. High five. As a side note, I always think the world cliterous sounds like a prehistoric dinosaur. "Welcome to Jurassic park, on the right we have the clitoris enclosure".

 

No 'man smell' in the morning. You know the smell.

 

Now, it's not always a barrel of laughs, despite the harmonious picture I've painted above. It would be biased if I didn't cover some of the cons that may crop up in a lesbian relationship.

 

Sometimes our periods sync. Which is great on one hand, as only one week per month is ruined.

 

On the other hand it means two women with PMT, munchies and stomach cramps at the same time. Not ideal.

 

Women can be a teeny weeny tiny bit emotional, sometimes. Two women can be doubly emotional. Don't watch The Notebook together #totesemosh.

 

You've had a long day. You've smeared makeup all over your face and resemble Halle Berry in the film Gothika by the time you get home. You open the drawer to get the last wipe, and find an empty packet of No7 wipes. You then notice your girlfriend in bed reading a Sarah Waters novel with a perfectly clean face that smells a lot like cucumber. Girls will steal your heart, your make-up, your conditioner and anything else they 'need'.

 

For example, my girlfriend is brunette and I am blonde. As such, I've specifically bought blonde hair shampoo. The conditioner, however, can be used for any hair colour. So what's now happened is my girlfriend has stolen only my conditioner. Thus I have a shampoo and conditioner set at very different stages in their usable lives, which upsets me. And no, I'm not anal.

 

The lesbian 'urge to merge'. Birds love commitment. Two birds love commitment. Mortgage, joint Netflix account and three cats by your third month anniversary. Which is fine, if you like commitment... and cats.

 

 

 

Only reading DIVA online? You're missing out. For more news, reviews and commentary, check out the latest issue. It's pretty badass, if we do say so ourselves.

 

divadigital.co.uk // divadirect.co.uk

 

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