What I look for in a lover
DIVA's sexpert lays it all out for a would-be suitor.
Dear Hot Stuff,
Don't take this the wrong way but I have a massive crush on you. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, ok, I know this is a bit sudden and that we haven't actually met.
Before we go any further, I need to know what it is that you look for in a woman. That way I can let you know if this is going to work out between us... Or, I could at least take you out on a date in the safe knowledge that you're not a weirdo. (You might think I am though, by sending you this email :-) )
Lots of love,
Darling, I look for someone with charm and just a touch of suave. Someone who is wit- it and can take the upper hand when necessary but who also knows when to back down and let me take the reins. Someone who has all the following qualities...
Edible-ness... (Yeah, ok, so E is a hard letter.) Someone so delectable that I can spend all day just looking, wanting to touch, wanting perhaps to even nibble... Oh, edible could also be for the fact that I love eating out in restaurants and would definitely want any potential partner to take me out for regular romantic dinner dates.
Baby, I'm big on touchy-feely, I want my girl to be as tactile as I am but also know when its appropriate without me having to say so. My girl has to be willing to call me baby in front of her mates and her family, someone who is proud to show me off.
Oh boy! I need a girl that is hawt! Someone I can't keep my hands off. You know that feeling you get when you look at someone and your brain just melts and your tummy tingles. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about!
Rich? Always a bonus! No, but seriously. The 'R' was way too obvious. I don't NEED you to be rich, my darling suitor, but a couple of quid for popcorn always helps. Yes, I'm a cheap date.
And last but definitely not least,
Happy. So many lesbians are tortured souls! I need my girls to be relaxed, chilled out and go with the flow kinda lasses. People who are content with who they are are so much more sexy. (In all honesty, 'H' could also stand for Heather Peace, whose tour video is out now, incidentally. If you're out there reading, you sexy lady you, tweet me yeah? I'll let you sing in my shower any day...)
So Deborah (or Heather Peace), call me I guess, and we'll see how we make out...
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