When a relationship breaks down

How do you know when to try to save a relationship, and when to walk away?


We all want to be loved. When we find a loving relationship, most of us hope that it will last forever. In healthy relationships, both partners operate on an equal give-and-take basis, showing mutual respect and a desire for the relationship to work.


Love and communication are key to making a relationship work. Without communication, a relationship is unlikely to stand the test of time. We can each go about our daily business together or independently but when we stop communicating how we are feeling or what we are thinking, the cracks start to show.


Learn to communicate


Deciding whether a relationship is worth saving can be difficult. Perhaps we feel that one of us is making all the effort. Maybe we feel stifled and cannot decide whether we no longer want to be in the relationship or whether we are just stuck in a rut and could make the relationship work if only we put in more effort. Working out whether a relationship can be rescued is a two person job. 


Have you got to the point when you're banging your head against a wall? One person's view of a relationship can be very different from that of their partner and often people find it very difficult to be completely honest about their true feelings, because they are scared of hurting the other person.


However, to be able to talk freely and openly, in a loving and sensitive way, often helps to make a relationship a success. If we discuss our feelings, and avoid defending ourselves constantly or blaming the other person, it demonstrates that the relationship is important and that both parties want it to work.


Time to call it a day?


A relationship may not be worth saving if the behaviour of one of the parties is hurting their partner and ignoring their feelings and sensitivities. Factors may include:


Constant arguing - prolonged tension is unhealthy and, if you cannot learn to communicate properly, your relationship needs to end.


Cheating on a partner.


Lying or dishonesty.


Physical, mental or emotional abuse.


Have you tried counselling?


Relationships of course can be saved but it may be that you need assistance from a professional.


Relationship counselling can help in some circumstances. However, it is important that both of you fully commit to making the relationship work, otherwise it is just wasted time.


Partners who feel their relationship has already come to an end can also try relationship counselling, especially if children are involved, as it can help them to work out a process of separation.


Focus on your future…


If your relationship has come to an end, however painful it is, you need to start looking at new beginnings and creating a new life for yourself.


Lean on friends and family or, if you need help focusing on the future, ask for relationship advice from TheCircle


Try to initiate new beginnings so that you can feel more positive, close the last chapter and start a new one.


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