Dear men, stop hitting on my girlfriend

Anisa Easterbrook thinks it’s high time the "bro code" was extended to lesbians




I recently went on a date in a cocktail bar. After a few drinks, she and I were deep in conversation before being interrupted by the inevitable. Some lad had worked up the courage to come over to where we were sitting and chat to us, showing a clear interest for my date. 


At first we were friendly and polite - after all, this poor lad had the bravery to approach two women in a bar which I think we can all sympathise with as being a courageous act. However, my friendliness ran dry after she politely declined his offer and explained that we were together. 


Most decent human-beings would see this as their invitation to make a sharp exit and leave us alone to carry on with the date but, for reasons beyond me, he stays.


The man flat out ignores the new information and appears to be making no plans to leave. He proceeds to get comfortable and ask my date what she does for a living, how long she's been gay and eventually moves on to the original threesome jokes and sex questions.


There's been a lot of debate as to whether we still need gay bars because of the general easing up on LGBT people in Britain, but it's situations like this which have me clamouring for our own space. All I'm asking for is a little respect. This isn't a one-off example: it has happened time and time again - men just cannot seem to gracefully accept rejection. 


We recently saw a prime example of this on reality TV show Big Brother. Housemate Kieran Mcleod felt rejected by Adjoa Mensah after she told him that she is a lesbian. Kieran couldn't look past his ego and bizarrely told Adjoa that she "could not rule out men if she had never slept with one". 


Imagine if I waltzed around hitting on girls out for dinner or drinks with their boyfriends, flirting, making sex jokes and telling them they cannot rule out being a lesbian because they haven't slept with me. 


There would probably be public outcry about me being a lesbian predator on the loose. Men wouldn't like it and would find it uncomfortable after the initial excitement of a potential threesome had faded away. 


Luckily for them, the majority of us lesbian folk wouldn't dream of it. If not out of respect, then for the plain simple reason that it wouldn't be worth our time. We are 90% certain that it would only lead to rejection and a bruised ego. Besides - is it not a bit strange to want to carry on a conversation with someone who has essentially just rejected you? 


I know we have our differences, but no one likes to be rejected. Even the smallest rejection can compel me to run home, pray to never bump into that person again and cry. That being said, it's a pretty nice rejection isn't it? Sexuality is one of the few reasons for rejection that allows you to leave with your ego unscathed and peace of mind that it's for good reason and not just your face. 


Rejection talk aside, I'm almost certain the same men who have crashed my dates would never think to do the same to a straight couple - cue mumbling reference to unwritten bro code. 


I'd like to demand the same respect that's given to "bros" for us ladies too.  We're all friends, we have a strong common interest - women - and we allow you to enjoy your dates without the added pressure and company of a third party, so how about it? 





Only reading DIVA online? You're missing out. For more news, reviews and commentary, check out the latest issue. It's pretty badass, if we do say so ourselves. //


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