Online dating, Would You Rather? and a very awkward question
Three things Cydney Yeates learned this week
1. “Have you got any dates lined up?” my fellow single friends ask. Normally I’ve got or a date or two on the horizon, or I'll at least be exchanging messages on one of my several dating apps. But right now, nada, zilch, nothing. My dating game is painfully stale right now, like a mouldy loaf seeded wholemeal bread. Then they reminded me, “What about that girl you were speaking to?” I flicked through text conversations with one girl who I’d been trying to organise a date with – all to no avail due to our mismatched hours and busy journalist schedules. I scrolled up through our messages, only to find we’d been failing try and meet each other since March. MARCH! That’s it, I’m done.
2. If you’re looking for an unapologetically queer book to devour in just a few hours, then look no further. I gobbled up Would You Rather? by Katie Heaney at an insane speed. Katie’s memoir playfully details girl crushes and retells the struggle of coming out at 29, just a few years after she wrote her debut book, Never Have I Ever, about never having a boyfriend. She recalls the trepidations of first-time lesbian dating, although spoiler alert she managed to find “the one” pretty bloody quickly. Katie maps out her awakening and looks back on particular female relationships with school friends through a different lens. For me, someone who didn’t realise their sexuality until after my university years were long gone, her story couldn’t be more relatable and I couldn’t recommend it enough. More lesbian book recommendations, please.
3. No question brings me so much discomfort than, “What do you identify as?” Whenever I get asked, I want to curl up into a ball and for the earth to swallow me whole. Which is really stupid, because I couldn’t hate being misidentified more. It’s a stupid game of Catch 22, which I’ve got into myself, and I’m the only one who can end it. I think my issue is down to the fact I spent so long mistakenly batting for the wrong team that I feel people will think I’m a fraud or that I haven’t earned my place, or paint me as someone who doesn’t know what she wants. This question even brings me shivers when in conversation with people I never knew in my straight phase. It’s ridiculous, right? It’s only when people literally shovel the words into my mouth or put me on the spot that it’s squeezed out of me. “So, you’re a lesbian?” “Yes.”
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