Opinion: Happy in your own skin

Is it possible to be too close to your girlfriend…?




Congratulations, LGBT couples - you've successfully maintained a strong, happy and solid relationship! You've been together for a while now; merging both of your L Word collections into one, arguing over whether to get a cat or dog (it's got to be a cat, c'mon) and finding out about those little barriers you're allowed to break… against all odds you believe you're both in it for the long-haul.


So what's at the root of this successful relationship? Your mutual love for musicals, tofu and equality? Personally, I think that the reason for success in many same-sex relationships is that we are a lot more comfortable with breaking certain barriers than those in heterosexual relationships. I don't wish to offend anyone so, for those of you in a male/female relationship, I concede barriers may be broken, but from speaking to many friends (in both queer and straight relationships) it seems that same-sex couples seem to be more comfortable with their partners. 


For example; a little while ago I was chatting to my other half (this is not unusual, after all, communication is the key to any relationship) but what did strike me as a little odd was the fact that she was in the shower and I was sitting in the bathroom whilst she was washing. This had never seemed strange to me, but all of a sudden I couldn't get the idea out of my head! I spoke to one of my friends who said that she and her girlfriend do the same thing (they've even popped each other's spots). She said that it was because they're both female, therefore understand which barriers they're allowed to break as they have the same mentality. 


Could you imagine a heterosexual couple doing this? Another friend of mine has broken many barriers with her girlfriend - she plucks her eyebrows and has even shaved her legs. Females generally feel a lot more comfortable with other females - I can't imagine a straight woman being comfortable with her male counterpart watching (or indeed helping) her to shave/wax/pluck/cream/pop. Similarly, I can't imagine a straight woman being comfortable with her male partner seeing her prune-like skin from the water or panda-eyes where she's forgotten to take off her make-up.  Some of my straight female friends state that they would be devastated if their male partner walked in on them when they're engaged in intimate self-grooming rituals. 


Someone I talked to suggested that us lesbian women are familiar with other female bodies; without a doubt we have seen a lot more of the naked female form than most straight women and we're more than aware of how a woman's mind words - therefore, we're bound to be more comfortable with our female partner. After all, we all have basically the same bits.


Personally, I agree with my friend. No matter how much of a bulldyke you may profess to be there is always that insecurity, but knowing that your other half has these insecurities seems to help. I'm by no means the most confident of women, but I quite happily strip off and get into the shower - regardless of whether my other half is there or not! After all, it's only showering, she's seen me in many other compromising positions.


All of this begs the question, have we taken this too far? Are we too comfortable with our partners? I don't think so. If anything, I think that this helps us, it confirms our trust in one another. I can't imagine letting anyone else watch me shower, wee or pop my spots. 


In spite of this, there are some barriers that I don't think I'll ever be able to break. Another friend commented that the only barrier her and her girlfriend haven't broken, yet, is going for a number two in front of one another.


It is the 'yet' in her comment that concerns me the most. That's just too far for me.



Only reading DIVA online? You're missing out. For more news, reviews and commentary, check out the latest issue. It's pretty badass, if we do say so ourselves.


divadigital.co.uk // divadirect.co.uk


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