Dear Hot Stuff,
I'm in LOVE with a girl who lives far, far away and though
we've never actually had sex, we sext regularly. She would like to
take our long-distance relationship to the next level and keeps
trying to entice me into having phone sex. But what with the
foreign accents and excessive phone bills and all, I'm not sure how
that will pan out. What do you think?
Dear Mobile in Morpeth,
I'd love to be sympathetic here, Mobile, I really would, but I
don't see where the problem is. You have a hottie, a foreign hottie
at that (I'm a sucker for accents), who is clearly totally into you
and wants to engage in fabulous, wild and orgasmatastic phone
Do it, do it , DO IT!
No, but seriously.
Sexting can be... interesting. Observe:
i totally want u
i totally want u 2
i'm so very hot 4 u right now
so am i
i don't even need to tell u wot i'm doing...
no u don't, me neither
But needless to say, unless you're the JK Rowling of sex
messaging, things can become rather repetitive rather quickly.
Phone sex on the other hand is like a live Guardian blog: dynamic,
funky and in real-time. Clearly, no competition. What's more,
unless you're really very, very t/dexterous (see what I did there?)
and can do things with your fingers that I can't, sexting requires
two hands, whereas phone sex leaves one blissfully hand-free. Free
to fix your hair, put the kettle on, stroke your domestic animal of
choice, etc, etc. Clearly a win-win situation all round.
Why the reluctance, Mobile? It's true that the real thing is
always preferable, but in the meantime, what's to stop you from
having a little fun? Just make sure the door is closed, no-one can
listen in the other line and a consenting adult is paying the phone
bill. If the call is being made to a foreign country, be careful to
dial the correct country code, knocking off the first 0 and if
you're calling a hotel, don't forget that the line clicks off after
an hour and that the reception guys may just become your best
friends (I just repeat what I hear, Mobile, I'm a journalist after
Just be careful about leaving each other voicemails. You never
know who's listening...