Dear
Hot Stuff,
I'm a
little worried... I've been seeing this girl for a while now and
the sex has been very good indeed. Regular (almost too regular) and
of a good quality. Recently though, I don't know what's happened to
me. I've found it very difficult to orgasm without going to
extreme lengths in my mind... Fantasies or images that I have
had to begin playing and playing over again in order to come. Is
this bad? What does it mean?
Lauren
from Islington
Dear Imaginative in Islington,
A bit of
fantasy never killed anyone, Imaginative. In fact, far from it, the
act of fantasising is extremely healthy. I would go so far as to
say that it is those of us who never let our imaginations wander
who should be a little worried.
Of
course, indulging in them is a guilty pleasure, but hell, so is
chocolate! There is absolutely no shame in having them, enjoying
them and getting all the extra kick that you need out of them. They
increase desire and arousal, they let you sleep with whoever you
want (Angelina baby, are we still on for Friday?) and they are
certainly intrinsic to any and all solo play. Why, how on earth
would we possibly masturbate without that tiny personal cinema
screen playing our top 10 moments, wants or dirty, dirty dreams?
HOW?
Fantasy
can (and, I do believe, should) play an important role in
relationships, too. Be it by the act of sharing, re-enacting or
constructing new fantasies together. No matter how fusional and
co-dependent one becomes in a relationship, fantasies are an
excellent way to keep the upper hand in regards to one's own
sexuality. I personally think that it makes sex all the more
sexy.
So, now
that's all out in the open, I too am concerned about what seems to
be your growing reliance on fantasies. It's all very well and good
to be in charge and to be able to get oneself awf when we need to,
but the other person has to play a role too! Are you still
attracted to your girlfriend? Does she manage to arouse you or is
all the effort coming from you? I would suggest trying to switch
the inner porno off for an evening in order to see what
happens...
It could
be that an emotion or stress in your relationship is affecting your
sexual desire for your partner. It could also be that sex is too
regular and repetitive. Do you guys need to spice things up? Why
not try really bringing one of your fantasies into the bedroom? In
the DIVADirect store, we have a wide selection of naughtiness...
Why, if I could attempt anything with Angelina, I'd go for this:
Fetish pink leash and collar
Fantasies
are fantastic. Just make sure they don't replace all the fantastic
dirtiness you could be having in real life.
Psst! Want to share your fantasies with DIVA in next month's Hot
Stuff column? Send me a mail at
hotstuff@divamag.co.uk and see your
deepest, darkest desires on the pages of your favorite magazine...
All dirtiness will be kept utterly anonymous.
And to keep abreast of all
naughty news and goings on, follow the adventures of DIVA
magazine's sexpert on Twitter @GemmaHalsey
