Dear Hot Stuff,
I'm in love with a girl who isn't in love with me. And
if that wasn't hard enough, due to complicated circumstances, I'm
having to move back in with my ex! This really isn't going I help
the situation, is it...?
Sophie, Scarborough
Dear Screwed in Scarborough,
Well now. You seem to have gotten yourself into a situation
there, Screwed. I won't ask how it came to be that you are
obliged to move back in with your ex but I'm sure you have a good
reason to do so.
There seem to be two issues at hand here. One, the new girl, who
sadly can't return your sentiments, and of course, the ex with whom
a positive relationship is possible but tricky.
Healthy and constructive relationships with exes really can
work, Screwed. If you believe that you are capable of friendship
with her, seeing her with someone else and living with her as a
flatmate, then I say go for it! But you must be 100% sure. In my
opinion and experience, it is more than possible to maintain this
kind of platonic but beneficial relationship. It's also a healthy
sign of a deep and loving link between two people that is capable
of living on without sex or complication.
Our other little problem is perhaps the most worrying, Screwed.
Loving someone who doesn't love you back is painful and often
futile. We can just never see it until afterwards.
However.
It doesn't have to be all black. One-sided love can be flipped
on its head into a friendship, given time to mature, and once
in a blue moon, it could be that the object of your affections does
really care about you but is just incapable of more at that
moment.
Whatever the case may be, you mustn't let out unrequited love
for someone new put you off on a long-term construction with
someone old.
How New Girl takes your cohabitation with your ex may be a sign
of just how sincere (or not) and likely to develop (or not) her
feelings towards you are. You sound like an amazing person,
(despite being) Screwed. I don't think you would fall in love with
someone if they were not equally as amazing. You may be happily
surprised by her reaction...
Just remember though, don't spread yourself too thin, Screwed.
Sometimes complications call for selfishness. Know your limits,
just how far to push yourself and when to stop.
Got a problem in the bedroom? Email hotstuff@divamag.co.uk, in
confidence.
