Dear Hot Stuff,
I can't take it any more. Girls are cute, cuddling is
cute, holding hands is cute! Sex should not be cute. I'm seeing
this girl at the moment and she is just too into CUTE. I can do
romance and teddy bears with the best of them but lately the cute
has gone viral, it's spreading. I have to draw the line somewhere
and I've tried very hard to draw it outside my bedroom door. But it
got through and she has taken to naming 'it'.
How can I kill the cuteness without killing my
relationship?
Faustine, Northumberland
Dear Nickname in Northumberland,
Cuteness killed the cat. Or was that curiosity, I forget. Cats
are cute though. Who is to say that pussy (cats) can't be equally
as cute?
I agree that there is such a thing as too cute though. Icky
voices, cooing, lovey-dovey name calling… It's not everyone's cup
of tea. As often as possible, I personally try to take my 'baby'
with a regular side order of sexual fiendishness, I strive hard to
match every accidental 'sweetheart' with an equivalent dose of
white hot naughtiness.
But that said, Nickname, there's nothing like a fabulous
cuddling sesh or a spot of hand-holding to bring you back down to
earth. For though there is nothing as ground-breakingly shattering
as a bit of mind-blowing bonking until you can't walk, surely what
lasts is the feeling that is left behind; or the 'cute' part, if
you will. Don't you think that your girlfriend's chronic cute is
just her way of expressing what she feels for you?
It's a complicated one, Nickname. For though it's important for
you to appreciate cute, as someone who regularly eats too much
cake, I get the concept of too much of a good thing. And I never
eat cake in the bedroom.
Let's attack the second issue. What precisely has she named
'it'? Surely it's better than 'it', Nickname? I'm racking my brain
thinking of what your vajayjay could possible have been named that
you find so offensive. Private part naming can be a great private
joke and in turn a fabulous way of creating lasting bonds within
the couple.
It might just be a question of frequency. A balance must be
struck between strokeable kitty and snarling feline. It's up to you
to strike that balance. Honesty is always the best bet. Talk to
your girlfriend. Tell her that though you love the fact she's named
your bits and you find it absolutely adorable, sometimes you would
just like her to jump on you without the cutesy-bop prelude and/or
discussion. I guarantee that an honest heart to heart conversation
is the best way forward.
If that fails, jump on the icky nickname bandwagon by baptising
hers in turn. You never know, Miley Cyrus and Just Beiber might be
sickly sweet to look at but they could still make sweet, sweet
music together.
Healthy relationships and sex lives need a bit of both sides of
the coin, Nickname. And you know, fiddle around a bit with 'cute'
and the result is a very rude word indeed…
Got a problem for our agony aunt? Email
hotstuff@divamag.co.uk, in confidence.
