Dear Hot Stuff,
I know this isn't a particularly 'sexual' sex problem, but I
remembered that you were a gamer and I thought it would make you
laugh. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 came out on Tuesday here in
the UK. Since its release I have not seen my girlfriend, not once,
not even a text message. Normally she is quite hardcore about her
gaming but this is bad! Any words of comfort for this abandoned and
lonely lesbo?
Joss, Sussex
Dear Solitary in Sussex,
'LOL' Solitary, my infinite thanks for the hearty giggle. You
appear to officially be a games widow... But you're in the best
place you could possibly be- out of it! As everyone knows, computer
games are dangerous purveyors of vice and immorality (a bit like
lesbians really,) and so the best thing to do might just be to move
on, jump ship and save yourself before you too are tainted by that
most lethal of afflictions...video game addiction.
Only joking.
Lighten up Solitary! Gamer girlfriends are burdened with the
difficult task of trying to appreciate the deep bond between a girl
and her games. Not always easy I know. But in order for her to
return to you de-zombified, simply give her the time that she
needs! I promise that doing so will guarantee her transformation
from XBox to sex-pot, from multi-player to multiple orgasms in no
time.
Gaming has a bed rep Solitary. It is, from the outside, ostensibly
a world of geeks, nerds and weirdos... The last thing your
girlfriend needs right now from you is criticism. After all,
she's out there risking her neck, killing baddies and saving the
world and you're sitting comfortably at home complaining about your
unfulfilled sexual needs. Perspective, please!
Gamers require partners who understand that gaming is a passionate
cultural experience akin to reading a good book or going to the
movies. It's all a question of stimulation.
You're not being replaced by the game Solitary, but for this one
week of the year COD:MW3 must be allowed to take precedent over
your personal needs. If you really can't handle the pace, play with
her! What is to stop you from joining in the fun after all?
And don't forget that the controller vibrates.
