Dear Hot Stuff,
I'm a straight woman who has been curious for a while
now about conducting a relationship with another woman. I've had
sex and sort-of relationships with girls before (in university) but
never really gone so far as to actually enter into some sort of
long-term, loving union with any of them. I'm not quite sure where
to begin with it all though... Could you give me the 'lowdown' as
Lizzie from Birmingham
Dear Bicycle from Birmingham,
Bicycle (as in the one you will never forget how to ride), thank
you for bringing this up. I can understand you're a little nervous
about the prospect of a long-term relationship with another girl.
(A fear stemming, perhaps, from the fact that all too many lesbians
have so much difficulty being in long-term relationships…) but now
you've decided that this is what you want, then go for it! There is
nothing more utterly consuming and complex as having a
The 'lowdown' is a little too 80s for my liking, so I'm going to
give you something I prepared earlier.
A to Z of Lesbian Relationships (Part 1)
A is for anal.
We might as well begin how we mean to go on. As with lesbian
relationships in general, anal might seem a little too close for
comfort for some, but good if you get it right!
B is for bed
(This is a sex column after all...) Bed: a place for stroking
your pussy (cats), drinking herbal tea and having raucous noisy
C is for cat/clitoris/cunnilingus
D is for dog
This may be slightly avant-garde, but I have the distinct
impression that dogs may be overtaking their feline domestic
equivalents in the lesbian love displacement stakes...
E is for engagement
Be it ring, party or contract, lesbian relationships are INTENSE
and require commitment. Be sure you're prepared to make one.
F is for fluidity
No not that kind you dirty buggers. By fluidity I refer to
sexual orientation and gender conception as being anything other
G is for Gay Pride
As in the biggest gay day of the year that all lesbians love to
hate but secretly yearn to attend - possibly drunk and definitely
H is for her
Need I say more?
I is for intimacy
Not to scorn or in anyway belittle the heterosexual experience,
but the symbiotic intimacy that is the byproduct of two women
together is something to experience.
J is for Jeanette Winterson
Whose Written on the Body is perhaps the most beautiful ode to
lesbian love ever put to paper
K is for kissing
The best hobby in the world?
L is for talking, laughing, loving, breathing, fighting,
fucking, crying, drinking, riding, winning, losing, cheating,
kissing, thinking AND dreaming.
And if you don't get that reference, then you're not quite ready
for a lesbian relationship just yet.
M is for missionary
As in the heterosexual staple you'll never have to worry about
again. M was originally going to be for muff, but I've tried to
keep it clean.
To be continued…