Dear Hot Stuff,
I'm with a heterosexual! It's my first time… I tend to
go for traditional, leaning towards ever so slightly masculine,
lesbians. It's been a real learning curve - 'teaching' her how to
'be' a lesbian. The one area in which she is very eager to learn is
the bedroom… For example, she wants to be better at, ahem, going
down south. I've been trying to put her at ease but she's convinced
she's not doing a good job. What can I do to help her gain
Dear Cunning Linguist from
First off, bravo Cunning! It takes a braver lesbian than myself
to launch into a relationship with a straight girl, hell, two
lesbians together is already complicated enough. In my humble
opinion, it's one of those wet dreams that lesbunums either have or
don't. As a pragmatist, I just can't bear the thought of all the
added 'does my bum look big in this?' that, (at least in my
cliché-addled mind) is clearly tantamount to the every waking
thought passing through a heterosexual brain…
Now that my latent heterophobia is out of the way, on to the
question at hand.
Contrary to popular opinion, carpet-munching, muff-diving or, to
put it crudely, eating pussy is NOT be-all and end-all of lesbian
sex. Why, I'm sure if one was to reflect a sexy-second on one's
past relationships there is bound to be at least one instance where
the girl was all, like, totally 'EW!', at the prospect of getting
up close and personal with box/clam/hair pie.
So, the first thing I would begin by telling your girl is that
it's an activity that's 'a privilege, not a right.' (I'm expecting
debate on this…)
By doing so though, the whole weight of
cultural/sexual/pornographical expectation that the poor girl has
clearly got pushing down on her can be relieved, leaving the lass
at least the chance to get it right if indeed munching on
muff/tickling the peach/dining at the Y is what floats her boat.
RELAX: JUST DO IT.
Get her to chillax. Laugh about it together, relieve the
pressure, show her what's working, what isn't, guide her with your
hands and hips, move to it… MOAN, MAN, MOAN.
With time and practice, she'll learn what you like. But
remember, it ain't called lip service for nothing.
Make sure you're tipping the velvet in kind.