Dear Hot Stuff,
I'm new(ish) on the scene. I had a boyfriend for a
long time (my heart wasn't really in it), and although I fantasised
about women constantly and had a bit of a "thing" with my friend,
it was nothing serious. Then I met my girlfriend, the love of
my life. I can't imagine not being with her now. But I'm bored
with hearing that I'll be "back on the men" if we ever break up
(which we won't). It makes me feel like "not a proper
lesbian", like I'm not authentic or don't have the right to be
classed as "gay". The worst is when people refer to it as a
"phase".
What do I have to do to prove that I fancy women? Go out
and rack up my numbers with loads of one-night, no-strings
encounters?
Help?
Nina, Farnham
Dear Frustrated in Farnham,
EMPLOYMENT AGREEMENT
THIS EMPLOYMENT AGREEMENT is executed as of this day, by and
between Global Lezzas Corporation, Inc. (collectively referred to
in this Agreement as 'Company') and Frustrated in Farnham, hence
known as ('Lesbian').
The Company desires to employ Frustrated and Frustrated desires
to be employed by the Company, on the terms and conditions set
forth herein.
The parties believe it is in their best interests to make
provision for certain aspects of their relationship (both sexual
and non-sexual) during and after the period (both menstrual and
chronological) in which Employee is employed by the Company
and/or until which time either party wishes to terminate their
involvement with one another and/or start seeing other people.
NOW, THEREFORE, in consideration of the premises and
the mutual agreements and covenants contained herein, and for
other good and valuable consideration, the receipt and
sufficiency of which is hereby acknowledged by the Company and
Employee ("Parties"), the Parties agree to the following terms of
employment which are entirely negotiable really when you think
about it.
a) Physical Appearance :
Pertaining to all matters of physical appearance, it must be
understood forthwith that 'Lesbian' is to be identifiable as
'Lesbian' at all times. The following basic rules are to be
adhered to without exception. Hair must be cut short, no
makeup is to be worn, never ever, ever. Baggy pants and trainers
are the accepted work uniform and this official uniform must be
maintained in order for Lesbian to best represent the Company
whilst both out and about and domestically.
b) Clubbing and/or official places of official lesbian
interaction (bars):
If The Company requires Lesbian to interact with other members
or delegates of the Company forthwith here-there and/or anywhere,
Official Lesbian Meeting Places have been allocated. Smiling is not
allowed. Skulking and glaring at any other Official Member that
Lesbian finds pleasing is compulsory. Meaningful discussion is
strictly forbidden.
c) Personal Conduct:
To maintain unhealthy polyamorous relations both sexual and
general, the more (lesbian) incestuous the better.
d) Confidential Information:
To keep informed of all information pertaining to the Company on
a local, national and global scale in order to best represent the
Company to all unknowing and/or heterosexual third parties at all
times, basic knowledge bases to be covered may include but are not
limited to The L Word and/or Lip Service and/or the music of
Melissa Etheridge.
Once this document has been signed and submitted to the third
party neutral, the sexual relations specialist known uniquely under
the pseudonym Hot Stuff, the third party neutral will be able to
confidentially impart the following to Frustrated. That's as long
as Frustrated is happy, proud and convinced of her own sexual
inclinations and her contentment within, what sounds like a loving
and healthy relationship, who gives a **** what anyone else
thinks. Therefore, voilà.
PSST! Got a problem for Hot Stuff? Email hotstuff@divamag.co.uk, in
confidence.
