Dear Hot Stuff,
I've been dating this girl on and off for about six months
now. I love her so much and sometimes I think its reciprocated.
Other times, I'm not so sure. Anyway, what with Valentine's Day
approaching, I thought I could do something sexy, amazing and
original. Something to really knock her socks off. Any
Dear Cheesy in Chesire,
Valentine's Day? Really? Oh, come off it!
Well, if you're serious...
The concept of finding a Valentine's Day gift or gesture that is
creative, non-soppy and even remotely sexy is the equivalent of
going to Primark and thinking, "I'll buy something here that NO ONE
else has ever bought". Puh-lease. Even I, in with my supreme
knowledge of the inner workings of the female species and the
sexual godliness of Sappho herself, couldn't begin to dream up
something original. The whole point of Valentine's Day is that
EVERYONE is doing it, which essentially undermines the possibility
of anything genuine issuing from this particularly peculiar
(Although, all you'd actually have to do to be original is find
chocolates in a BLUE heart-shaped box. That really would be
original, but you'll have to go further than Thorntons.)
My recommendation is hence a U-turn on this one because, let's
face it, although we all complain like mad about
Valen-bloody-tine's Day, we all secretly hope that something
special will go down. If single, a massive night out with a lucky
snog thrown in could be all we seek, but if in a couple, well I'm
tempted to say the more camembert the better...
So instead, my exclusive, ultra-confidential secret list
of ultimate cheesy Valentine's Day things to buy and to
offer. Sssh, keep them to yourself...
1. A mix tape
2. Silky knicks with tiny hearts on them (cartoon hearts, not
actual bloody ones)
3. An engraved shot glass that says 'I luv U'
5. A teddy bear
6. Chocolates (go crazy)
7. Roses (red are traditional)
8. A vibrator
9. A red heart-shaped cushion
10. A red vibrator in the shape of a heart
If you really want to win your girl'' heart, Cheesy, you might be
able to, with the most creative and magical gesture EVER. But do it
another day. And in my experience, bloody hell, you can't go too
far wrong with a restaurant, a bottle of champagne and a beautiful
And a red rose for good measure.
Psst! Got a bedroom problem? Email firstname.lastname@example.org, in
confidence. That means: all names changed.