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Hot Stuff: I hate how my bits look

A reader worries that her vulva doesn't meet the porn standard

Gemma Halsey

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:52:41 GMT | Updated 4 years today

Dear Hot Stuff,


I absolutely hate how my bits look. I always have. They don't look anything like the ones I've seen in porn movies (I'm 16 so I have seen some porn). I'm worried because I'm in my first relationship too with a girl and I know that sex is just around the corner. I know what to do and everything but I'm really reluctant to get naked. What do you reckon?


Charlie from Brighton



Dear Bits in Brighton,


Bits, come close, that's right, come here, closer, now listen: I'm going to let you in on a secret. Very few people actually like their own bits. There, I said it. We should, but because of influences that I discuss below, fewer and fewer people actually do. Hell, we've even started shoving jewels on them just to spruce them up. It's a problem. The fab thing is, we generally tend to like (love would maybe be going a bit too far) the bits of the people we are with (especially if we love them, there's that word again).  So, my very first message to you is not to panic or stress. Whatever she (my "her downstairs" is a girl, so I'm presuming yours is) looks like, I'm pretty confident that the person you're with, the person who wants to have sex with you and hence, check out and possibly even engage with said bits, will simply adore them.


But I can understand if this isn't quite insurance enough.


Genitalia. It's odd, isn't it? Not only visually, but 'functionally', culturally too, even.  After centuries and centuries of idolising the penis and relegating the vagina to the naughty corner where she should think about her actions, no wonder every one is bloody hung up on their own. And note to editor, am I even allowed to say the word vagina? VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA. [DEPUTY ED: Yes. It's not a dirty word, it's a biological term. Although strictly speaking, if you're talking about the outer parts (including the labia and clitoris), the correct term is vulva. Vulva vulva vulva.]


Add into that massive mess the question and consequences of pornography and, bloody hell. Where to start? All I have to say is that if everyone watched porn and compared either how they look or what they do to REAL LIFE, well, no one would ever have sex ever again. A comparison of porn to real life is exactly the same as watching the latest AAA blockbuster and saying, "Well THAT never happens to me on a Friday night". Porn is so very damaging; changing the way we have and consider sex, influencing men's and women's  expectations about sex and, of course, perverting the beauty of real naked people. So, for goodness sake, take porn out of the equation. [DEPUTY ED: Agreed. Porn actors bleach their bum-holes, for crying out loud!]


Let's finish back where we started, with the idea of REAL naked people. REAL naked people come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and colours just like their bits do too. I began by saying few people love their bits, but we SHOULD. There is no right or wrong answer, there are no normal bits, just lots of shades of grey bits. Take pride in your bits and love them and I'm sure your girlfriend will too. 


PS. If you want reassurance that vaginas/vulvas come in all kinds of shapes and colours, check out and



Have an issue that you would like to see treated? All queries will be kept anonymous, except of course if tweeted, in which case they might be a little less anonymous.


Email or tweet @GemmaHalsey



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