Dear Hot Stuff,
I absolutely hate how my bits look. I always have. They
don't look anything like the ones I've seen in porn movies (I'm 16
so I have seen some porn). I'm worried because I'm in my first
relationship too with a girl and I know that sex is just around the
corner. I know what to do and everything but I'm really reluctant
to get naked. What do you reckon?
Charlie from Brighton
Dear Bits in Brighton,
Bits, come close, that's right, come here, closer, now listen:
I'm going to let you in on a secret. Very few people actually like
their own bits. There, I said it. We should, but because of
influences that I discuss below, fewer and fewer people actually
do. Hell, we've even started shoving jewels on them just to spruce
them up. It's a problem. The fab thing is, we generally tend to
like (love would maybe be going a bit too far) the bits of the
people we are with (especially if we love them, there's that word
again). So, my very first message to you is not to panic or
stress. Whatever she (my "her downstairs" is a girl, so I'm
presuming yours is) looks like, I'm pretty confident that the
person you're with, the person who wants to have sex with you and
hence, check out and possibly even engage with said bits, will
simply adore them.
But I can understand if this isn't quite insurance enough.
Genitalia. It's odd, isn't it? Not only visually, but
'functionally', culturally too, even. After centuries and
centuries of idolising the penis and relegating the vagina to the
naughty corner where she should think about her actions, no wonder
every one is bloody hung up on their own. And note to editor, am I
even allowed to say the word vagina? VAGINA VAGINA
VAGINA. [DEPUTY ED: Yes. It's not a dirty word, it's a
biological term. Although strictly speaking, if you're talking
about the outer parts (including the labia and clitoris), the
correct term is vulva. Vulva vulva vulva.]
Add into that massive mess the question and consequences of
pornography and, bloody hell. Where to start? All I have to say is
that if everyone watched porn and compared either how they look or
what they do to REAL LIFE, well, no one would ever have sex ever
again. A comparison of porn to real life is exactly the same
as watching the latest AAA blockbuster and saying, "Well THAT never
happens to me on a Friday night". Porn is so very damaging;
changing the way we have and consider sex, influencing men's and
women's expectations about sex and, of course, perverting the
beauty of real naked people. So, for goodness sake, take porn out
of the equation. [DEPUTY ED: Agreed. Porn actors bleach their
bum-holes, for crying out loud!]
Let's finish back where we started, with the idea of REAL naked
people. REAL naked people come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and
colours just like their bits do too. I began by saying few people
love their bits, but we SHOULD. There is no right or wrong answer,
there are no normal bits, just lots of shades of grey bits. Take
pride in your bits and love them and I'm sure your girlfriend will
too.
PS. If you want reassurance that vaginas/vulvas come in all
kinds of shapes and colours, check out vaginasoftheworld.tumblr.com
and vulvavelvet.org.
Have an issue that you would like to see
treated? All queries will be kept anonymous, except of course
if tweeted, in which case they might be a little less
anonymous.

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