Dear Hot Stuff,
I know it's not a very nice thing to do, but I've been
e-cheating on my girlfriend. Our relationship has been in serious
difficulty for some time now, an endless cycle of arguments
punctuated by constant break-ups and reunions. I was so down that I
began a 'relationship' with a girl on Gaydar. Well, after a spate
of amusing phone shenanigans it turns out she's a sex fiend and
won't stop calling me! What should I do?
Dear Lothario in London,
'Crime never pays' don't they say? It should probably be
cheating never pays, and it's true. 'It'll all come out in the
wash' is another I'm particularly fond of, and in my experience it
really does. And isn't there another saying about broken things not
being worth fixing? I agree with that too, but although some things
aren't worth fixing, most things deserve the respect of being told
that they're actually broken.
Tut, tut, Lothario. Indeed there are two issues at hand here;
one, your unhealthy relationship that should have been dealt with
long ago, and two, DON'T give your number to strange girls on the
Just to be conventional, let's address issue one first. Breaking
up or being broken up with, is never a pleasant experience. Far
from it, I would hazard that it's just about one of the most
painful processes one can go through this side of actual maiming or
say, GBH… Having said that, dragging things out only can only ever
make the situation worse. Someone has to be the matador, taking the
bull by the horns and bloody well putting the thing to rest.
Keeping a relationship alive that it so clearly unhealthy is
like Sigourney Weaver turning to the alien and saying, 'Well okay,
let's try this one more time, I know you mean well, I guess we
could give it another go'. NO. At some point the ghost must be
given up. It's a question of both parties' sanity and well-being.
More than that, it's about honesty. One of you having the balls to
stand up and say, I love you, but this is fucking miserable and
it's just not working.
With regard to our second issue, Lothario - don't go looking
around until the beast (or alien, if you like) is dead as t'were.
This is the horror movie equivalent of having stabbed the baddie,
sighing with relief, and calmly looking around in the debris
for a posh crystal-cut glass with which to have a nice calm drink
WHEN EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS HE'S STILL ALIVE. Only when your prior
relationship has truly been concluded and the emotional baggage
locked away somewhere, should you begin to think about jumping back
in the saddle.
So in conclusion, I would blame bad karma for your bad luck in
But seriously, take care of the relationship that is on the line
before launching into online.
And in the future, stick to Skype-sex. Cam2cam is always a riot
and you can block contacts who get too, er, sticky.
Got a problem for Hot Stuff? Email