Dear Hot Stuff,
I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl in New
York. We met towards the end of my trip and I really fell hard for
her but I'm afraid we just may not have spent enough time being a
couple. Now that I'm back in the UK I think about her all the time
but I'm in desperate need of sex. I don't know what to do, I don't
want to hurt my girlfriend but I really don't think I can
continue.
Erica, London
Dear Long-haul in London,
There's a big difference between a long distance flight and being
in a relationship with someone living at the other end of
one.
Romances forged on holiday can be meaningful and lengthy, but are
all too often fleeting and a tad too fanciful. Which is actually
just a nice way of saying 'based on sex and the excitement of being
in another country'. It's as if all of a sudden, just because we
are abroad, sex becomes so much better: 'Ha! I'm NOT in England and
I'm having sex with a person with an ACCENT. Fantastic!' Holiday
romances can also be put down to dodgy foreign food and/or too much
sun.
But seriously Long-Haul, distance is a massive complication in a
new relationship. If you had been together years and were facing a
well-defined and established temporary period of separation then
I'd say 'Love, but your libido back in your pants, buy the entirety
of the Sainsbury's chocolate aisle and bloody well get on with
it.'
As it is, you are in a fledgling relationship, which, from the
sounds of it, hasn't had enough time to mature and stabilize.
Long-distance CAN work, but in relationships that have already
stood (at least mini) tests of time. Long-distance CAN work, but
there must be a faint light at the end of the tunnel; the blissful
promise of reunion.
I can understand both your frustration and missing your girl and
your sexual frustration now you've returned to the UK and are faced
with the hot totties that are the best of British. But I cannot
condone cheating or lying, Long-haul. If you are feeling warm under
the collar, make a decision and stick to it. The worst thing to do
to someone is to mess them around. Be truthful above all, even if
you know it is going to hurt.
It's a tough one, Long-haul; if you leave now you'll always think
'what if?' If you choose to hang around and lie, then I sincerely
hope you'll be kicking yourself hard for doing unto others etc,
etc. If you make the decision to stay, then live the relationship
as best you can and put it all down to experience.
And buy a bloody vibrator.
If you have question, query or quivering issue that
you would like to see treated, drop Hot Stuff a line at hotstuff@divamag.co.uk (in
confidence).
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