Dear Hot Stuff,
My best friend just so happens to be my ex-girlfriend. I
know some people might find this strange but it's always worked out
for us. Well, she has a new girlfriend and so do I. We're trying to
all get along together but there are obviously tensions below the
surface that I can't quite put my finger on. We are all four about
to attempt a trip away together...
Good or bad idea?
Sarah, Islington
Dear Incestuous in Islington,
Good gosh! You have a right well and proper lesbian spider-web
on your hands there, darlin'. What to do?
Being best friends with exes can be positive. In principal, I'm
a big advocate of successful relationships (if indeed the
relationship was successful), enduring and transforming into
friendships over time. These friendships can be deep: intimate,
caring and - it goes without saying - 100% platonic. But
no matter how purely platonic, no matter if one partner has become
heterosexual, or otherwise off the menu, you can bet your bottom
dollar that more changes will have to be made when new partners
arrive on the scene.
It's not about sex. It's a bond that has survived break-ups,
trials and tribulations. It's about taking that bond and stretching
it to accommodate new people.
Thank goodness, then, that you both have new birds
simultaneously! At least it's going to be equally as strange for
both of you to see each other happy with someone else. Let's just
pray that your new girls are patient and secure in your love for
them. Coming in from the outside into this must surely be even
harder... Let's also hope they have appetites for this kind of
comically complicated situation.
Before going away together I suggest that the four of you go on
smaller outings and get to know each other. You with your ex's new
girlfriend and your ex with your new girlfriend. With any luck,
heck, even the new girlfriends will like each other!
If it doesn't work out, enjoy a couple of passive-aggressive
spats or two, or three, but above all, decide where your priorities
lie. You and your ex may have an intrinsic link but unless you can
be happy, wholly happy for one another, without jealousy or
acrimony, it might be worth reflecting on whether it is a
relationship capable of evolving positively in the
future.
And if it doesn't work out, bloody hell, get drunk and have a
foursome. I guarantee you'll all be BFFs in the morning!
If you have question, query or quivering issue that you
would like to see treated, drop Hot Stuff a line at hotstuff@divmag.co.uk (in
confidence).
And to keep abreast of all naughty news and goings on,
follow the adventures of DIVA magazine's sexpert on Twitter
@GemmaHalsey
