Dear Hot Stuff,
I'm friggin' frustrated! I'm not seeing anyone at the moment
and, well, let's just say I'm going through a dry spell. I know
people go on the internet these days, but we only have one computer
in the house and I don't know how to delete the history file. I'd
go to the newsagents and buy a dirty mag, but then where would I
hide it, my bed has no underneath (it has drawers instead) and I
only have a tiny cupboard with barely enough space for my knickers
as it is. Plus the man at the newsagents looks at me suspiciously
anyway, after the time I stole that fudge bar when I was
drunk.
I need your help, please. There must be another
way.
Juliette, Frampton-on-Severn
Dear Frustrated in Frampton-on-Severn,
My dear girl, dry periods are rough on everyone involved. And for
those too short to grab a lads' mag subtly from the top shelf
without standing on a stray box or asking a passerby for help,
before you can say Sahara, activities down south can trickle rather
quickly to a stand-still.
But even to the parched desert drifter, lads' mags are surely a
last resort to be avoided at all cost. If you like over-priced,
dubiously glossy and 100% unrealistic, go for it. If not, to the
self-respecting lesbian (one who has at least slept with a real
woman before), these peddlers of pornography are to be avoided like
the plague. Indeed, this is not the early 90s and lads' mags are
partly responsible for the pornification of society… In other
words, don't go there!
Erotic literature is surely far more up your alley; from
delicate to dirty, sensual to sexy, vanilla to full-on Baskin
Robbins, erotic fiction has something for everyone. The novel
format also lends itself to easy hiding, if you must; just stick a
false spine on it and no-one in the metro has to know what you're
reading.
Sadly nobody is currently publishing erotic literature by and
for lesbian/bi women in the UK at the moment, but there are a lot
of great writers around, including Jacqueline Applebee, DF Collier,
Helen Sandler, Crin Claxton and Sophia Blackwell. And to save
you tiring your arms trying to grab rubbish from the top shelf,
DIVA featured all of these writers in our sex issue this year. Joy!
(Back issue still available for £3.65 at
www.divadirect.co.uk.)
Ah yes, Frustrated. Because although we live in a world filled
with pornography thanks to the internet, don't think for a moment
it is all there is.
If you're still unsure, or think that the foray into erotic fare
seems a little too soft for your needs, think again, it's more than
worth a dive… Luckily, unlike M&S underwear, sex toys and
girlfriends, you can try before you buy. DIVApublishes a fabulous,
shiver-inducing sexual short every month… The first is about
naughty office workers getting up to no good and is by bisexual
author Jacqueline Applebee (whose work can be read online at www.writing-in-shadows.co.uk).
If you love it, and you will, check out divadirect.co.uk for a wide
range of erotic literary goodness imported from the US. You can
thank me if you ever manage to re-emerge.
The weather forecast is dry, but with unmistakable wet
patches.
More from me next week!
Hot Stuff
