Dear Hot Stuff,
I was going out with this girl who I was strangely into
very quickly, too quickly. I'm not sure if it was love - more like
lust, I think. Anyway, once the fog cleared, I realised she wasn't
what I wanted and I left her as soon as I could. The thing is, she
is absolutely hung up on me, a bit unnaturally so. Posting
(sometimes rather spiteful and mean) things on Facebook in regard
to me, when, even though she blocked me, she knows perfectly well
that we have friends in common.
When we were together I realised how addicted to drama
she was, with a tendency to have awfully melodramatic and
exaggerated reactions to things. Maybe this is just more of that,
but surely she should really be over it by now... I am. What do you
think?
Lara from Peterborough
Dear Provoked from Peterborough,
The fun fun fun of having a psycho ex. I would hazard a guess
that just about everyone has one in the closet somewhere. Exes are
special. Why, only last week in this column I was extolling the
benefits of that one special ex who will always be there for you
and with whom it's possible to have a unique relationship. But on
the flipside there is always going to be that one crazy one. The
one of whom you can't help but think: WTF?
You seem to have a good grip on things, Provoked, and it
definitely sounds like simple attention-seeking to me.
Paradoxically, the fact that she was the one to block you on
Facebook confirms this for us. (Ah yes, Facebook; the mother of all
evils when it comes to relationship over-analysis.) She's trying to
have an impact. If she genuinely wanted nothing at all ever to do
with you, she would block all of your friends too, so that no news
of her ever reaches your ears. She would block your dog, your
brother, your cousin twice-removed and that guy from America who
bought you shots that one time. But no, only blocking you and then
continuing to post things is certainly provocation. Plus, it's
really rather low.
The thing that she doesn't get is that you've moved
on.
For goodness sake, don't reciprocate. Let this person do what
they want if it makes them feel happy. Some people handle break-ups
differently. Sometimes people who feel down can lash out. People
who have been hurt can simply refuse to accept that it was anything
to do with them and lay the blame on everyone else. Personally,
after break-ups I tend to keep a low profile and look after myself
but that's just me. For others, resorting to petty meanness can be
cathartic.
The answer, I think, Provoked, is to let it go. If nothing
happens, hopefully she'll stop trying to get a rise out of you.
Ninety-nine point nine times out of a hundred, this is all it takes
to effectively see off a psycho.
However - if things escalate (if she threatens you, for example,
or takes to showing up at your house or place of work / study in a
way you find scary or intimidating), contact the good people at
either www.galop.org.uk or www.broken-rainbow.org.uk
for advice.
Have an issue that you would like to see
treated? All queries will be kept anonymous, except of course
if tweeted, in which case they might be a little less
anonymous.

Email hotstuff@divamag.co.uk or
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