Dear Hot Stuff,
I was so happy with my last girlfriend. We weren't
together all that long but she was simply dreamy. We connected so
completely on all levels; intellectually, emotionally and sexually.
Sadly, she didn't feel the same way and now she's gone. I miss her
a lot, and although I know I shouldn't even be thinking about it
right now, I miss the sex. A lot. It was am-ay-zing. I'm not
really happy at the idea of becoming a chronic masturbator, but I
don't seem to have a choice...
Julie, Colchester
Dear Caresses in Colchester,
Don't take this the wrong way but I'm saddened that in this day
and age female masturbation still seems to be somehow, if not
totally risqué, still not quite the 'done thing.' It's an
important, releasing and empowering form of sexual expression,
in its own right. You can do it on your own time, at your
own pace, as often or as little as you like. What's not to
love?
There are many things to be learned about your own inclinations
via masturbation; what works for you and what doesn't, and in the
process, what is likely to work and not, for future partners. So
next time you propose dangling from the chandeliers in some
fabulous exotic sex act, only to be met with bewilderment and
confusion, you can say, 'Trust me, I tried it myself at home...'
Tah-dah!
Caresses, darling, I'm concerned by your use of the word 'chronic'
as if you were suddenly going to take to your bed, hands down
your pants, twenty-four-seven. Masturbation is not an ailment,
symptomatic of the frustration of your current solo status. Even
whilst in a couple, don't be deceived into thinking that regular
sex with your partner is the be-all and end-all of one's sexual
activity. There is no reason that masturbation cannot have a place
in the homely bosom of happy coupledom. It's not something that
only frustrated singles do. They just happen to be the only ones
that can admit to doing it without making anyone else
upset...
Above all, I suspect that your ambivalent reaction towards
masturbation stems from guilt. She left you, Caresses. Which means,
basically, that she neither appreciated nor deserved your obvious
fabulousness in the time that you were together. And I'll tell you
something else for free, it takes two to be good in the sack. Who
is to say that this 'am-ay-zing' sex was not uniquely down to
effort made on your own part and she just happened to be
complimentary? In which case, it would be positively criminal
for you to deny yourself free and unbridled access to all that
pleasure; pleasure that you seem so clearly to hold in your
fingertips.
And speaking of fingertips, one of the most wonderful things about
masturbating is the utter liberty involved. The art of going solo
can be just as adventurous, fulfilling and stimulating as sex with
a girlfriend. Why, who is to stop you from indulging in the latest
vibrator? (You know, that one she wouldn't let you buy?) For
example,
this updated take on that old family favorite, the Rampant
Rabbit could be yours and yours alone. Just think, you don't
have to share it!
All in all, Caresses, you sound little overwhelmed by all
this drama. Perhaps now, more than ever, is the most opportune
moment for you to get to know yourself, just a little better...
Psst! Got a problem in the bedroom department? Write
to hotstuff@divamag.co.uk
