Welcome, Candy Bar fans, to our fourth weekly recap of the
Channel 5 reality show that follows the hijinks of a large number
of young women who work at, frequent or otherwise have an
association with The Candy Bar, London's definitely by now most
famous lesbian bar.
We should add that if you have missed any episodes, you can
watch them online. Here's a link to the website where you can watch
And now, with no further ado, we begin our recap.
Episode four begins with Gossip, which is a good start. Then we
see Gary and the CB crew sitting about tasting some wine in order
to select a wine list for the bar, as wine is sophisticated. It
looks like a quite pleasant day at work to me, but Aussie Alex and
a few other crew members look supremely bored. Alex prefers vodka
and Red Bull to wine and brie, which is cool. I myself am quite
partial to both. I wouldn't turn down a beer and a burger right now
either, to be perfectly honest. Or a rum and Coke and a pizza. This
is what happens when you skip breakfast and don't bother to bring a
packed lunch to work, people.
Natalie is settling in to her flat in east London, the side of
London that's currently considered fashionable by people who live
in east London. Personally, I prefer west London as it is generally
a hell of a lot cleaner and richer, but hey that's just me, I like
stuff to be nice. Natalie is single and says that there are more
fish in London. She's familar with Billingsgate Market, then.
Settling in well.
Natalie wants to start dating. "So I'll see if I can, you know,
find someone who wants to be with me," she says.
Natalie urgently needs a job so she can pay her rent, explains
the voice over, as if to a child. Danni is picking at the walls
like an extra in Girl, Interrupted. She almost stops to help
Natalie pick a job interview outfit. Natalie looks nice.
Then they go on Gaydar and put Natalie's location down as
"London". (Now to sit back and watch them flock to you! London, the
ultimate girl-magnet... how could anyone resist?) They eat pasta.
They discuss breast size, but I'm not sure what they're actually on
about. Then Danni does a kind of a mime of oral sex which makes me
wonder if she knows what she's on about. I'm just kidding - I'm
sure she does.
Natalie is nervous but does a great job at the interview. I'm
impressed. Hope she gets it.
The return of
Shabby is taking her SO, Red, back to Milton Keynes to meet mum.
Haven't we already seen this scenario more than once on this show,
albeit with different characters? It certainly feels like it.
Shabby's mum is making some food. It looks like mozzerella and
basil on something. We see a picture of once upon a time Shabby
"dressed like a woman". She looks good. Shabby's mum says she found
out that Shabby was gay via village gossip, which I find funny. Red
really likes Shabby's mum, which is great.
Sam and the Candy Bar
Sam, the new CB bar manager isn't impressed. Her staff left lots
of lights on and didn't close up properly the night before. She
calls a meeting to discuss these problems. Aussie Alex turns up but
someone else doesn't. She forgot. Sam looks ready to sack someone,
understandably. Alex looks unaccountably aggrieved during their
meeting. Then Lizu turns up and calls Sam a bitch. Sam doesn't fire
her or kick her arse. Unbelievable.
Sandra and partner Catherine go shopping for baby stuff as
Catherine is expecting a baby in two weeks. They walk around John
Lewis for a bit in an unhurried kind of a way. Enjoy that freedom
while it lasts, ladies.
Rach the PR
Is packing for a trip. Rox helps by patronising her in a sweet
way. She also removes "sexy" items from Rach's suitcase. Then they
spend a bit of time and get the giggles trying to weigh a suitcase.
The wrong suitcase as it turns out. Then Rach is gone, leaving Rox
alone for 3 weeks.
Sandra and Catherine: Precious
Catherine is concerned, understandably, about the pain of
childbirth. "I'm shitting a brick," says Sandra, clearly
empathising. "But it's going to be an amazing time."
Where the heck is
Natalie is shitting herself re.
She gets it! Happy! As this is CBG she will celebrate by going
out for a drink.
Team building, CBG
Sam's planned a team building event which will involve her staff
competing with one another to make cocktails. Does being put in
direct competition with your workmates really make staff bond? But
hush my mouth, who I am to question this barmanagerial wisdom?
Sir Alan-style, Sam's laid on a mixologist, JJ, to teach them
how to make cocktails. I would have thought people working at a bar
would already know how to make cocktails, but I'll gloss over that.
I've seen JJ before on a show set in Bristol where people competed
to open a restaurant with Raymond Blanc. I liked that show. JJ is
doing well for himself, it seems. Good on him. Lizu is good at
cocktails. Alex less so. She's going to rely on sex appeal.
In west London, Shabby and Red are going to sell their expensive
t-shirts. But they're screwing it up. Shabby goes for a cigarette
next to a huge no smoking sign. They don't sell any t-shirts, but
lark about like kids instead.
Cocktail night at
Plan: to sell cocktails. Best seller will win a prize. They all
want to win. Jo Webber and Alisha are there as is Danni. Seauntelle
wins and the others think they should have won.
Sandra and Catherine turn up with the baby, who is an immediate
crowd-pleaser. Gary gives the new parents some Candy Bar branded
stuff. Personally I would not dress a baby in alcohol-related
attire, but then perhaps I just need to lighten up a bit.
Next week: Jo
Webber will host a dinner party. Should be good. See you then.