You didn't watch the Eurovision Song Contest on Saturday night,
did you? Not your thing, is it?
I'm going to guess that you, much like my editor (sorry, Jane),
shook your head at the thought of a hot summer night spent in front
of a TV watching a three hour long show of (allegedly) appalling
music performed in (often) poorly pronounced English.
Don't worry, you didn't miss much. Just another gorgeous Swedish
lady with Moroccan roots who likes to fight for human rights and
hint at bisexuality winning the whole competition with an epic
dance track about euphoric love.
That's right, nothing of interest to you Brits who sent Engelbert
Humperdinck (wtf?) to represent your country in Azerbaijan at the,
according to the rest of Europe, ever so prestigious Melodí Grand
A Swede myself, I took the win pretty casually, as you can see in
the picture below. You know, after a thirteen years long dry spell
it's not like the win was anything special. I reckon I felt a bit
like those Chelsea supporters the other week; nice and calm.
The lady in question, the magical, mysterious and absolutely
mesmerising Loreen, was a bookie's favourite from start.
She beat the Russian granny entry and won Europe (including the UK
- hello! Twelve points) over with the chart topping tune with a
capital T "Euphoria", a Kate Bush-inspired bare foot dance number,
yoga trousers and a mysteriously long fringe. Not to mention her
When all other competing artists went on PR trips around
Azerbaijan, the country that evicted families to build the song
contest arena and that has been known to imprison those speaking up
against the regime, Loreen brought journalists to meet local human
"I can't sit and sip piña coladas by a pool when I know what goes
on in this country... I am here to work," Loreen told Swedish
My heart melted. And so did my legs when I in the build-up to the
competition bought myself a copy of Loreen's trousers, just to make
sure I could comfortably perform her famous crab dance (you'll see)
when celebrating a potential win. (I did.)
In Sweden, the competition leading up to the Eurovision Song
Contest sees us Swedes electing the final entry through weeks of
semi finals. It is the biggest show that you can watch on TV (think
X Factor), featuring some of our biggest stars and when it comes to
the European final, things get seriously serious (think England
playing France in a World Cup final).
Year after year we lose to other countries with "terrible songs"
and we blame political voting, nerves or something equally daft,
like malfunctioning wind machines. So when on Saturday country
after country threw twelve points, douze points, our way, I am
certain many agreed with Loreen and what she told Swedish gay
magazine QX last year:
"You don't fall in love with gender, you fall in love with a
If you've not fallen for Loreen already, something tells me that
you will and that maybe, just maybe, I'll see you in Stockholm next
year. Unless, of course, Eurovision still isn't your thing.