Personally, I don't know if it's because I'm a woman, I'm young
or just plain naive, but I'm in love with the idea of romance. Eyes
meeting across the room, sparking up a conversation, the thrill of
meeting a new person.
So the thought of having a digital 'wingman' in your pocket to
scan out who is a lesbian and who is 'available' seems to
contradict my notions of a fairytale romance. To take all the
butterflies and banter out of it and skip straight to the end goal
of a 'hook up' seems to take the fun out of it.
Saying this, there are definitely some of the trappings of
dating game I could definitely live without. Firstly, sussing out
if that woman at the bar is straight. Often, the answer is yes and
your efforts to spark a conversation seem bizarre and unwanted.
Secondly, I will never get my head round the farcical game playing
that is called for when first getting to know someone. For example,
I am always told by my friends not to look too keen, but then keen
enough so you get a second date, but don't text back until tomorrow
so they'll think you're really busy, but let them know you're
free.. What an effort! It's an unnecessary game and very hard to
play well. Maybe this is why I'm single.
So, to eliminate these social minefields seems like a bonus, and
at first glance the new 'LezFindr app' could be the way to do
So, what is LezFindr…? According to their website, this
application is 'your new age wingman that eliminates the need for
game or the phrase, "Find out if she is into girls". You now have
access to all your desires by the simple touch of a screen'. It
allows you to use GPS to find out which nearby ladies are lesbian
or bi and see their LezFindr profile.
With the unprecedented success of a similar app 'Grindr'
for gay and bisexual men, it would seem a likely progression for
one to be developed for women seeking women. However, despite it's
seemingly good intentions of finding a 'date, buddy or friend' out
of the app's 4 million users, the 'Grindr' app has gained notoriety
for being a fast and easy way to get laid.
Speaking to my gay friends, it seems obvious this is not a way
to start a relationship; Grindr is used simply as a way to find
some 'grind meat', as one of my friends so crudely put it.
But is this just a reflection of our highly sexualized culture?
Sex is now seen as a frivolous past time that can quite easily be
indulged in with a perfect stranger. In our modern day, instant,
impatient lifestyles, who has time to get to know someone and date?
This app could allow you to make your sex life like the drive-thru
- order what you want off the menu and satisfy your fast food
However, I think the issue of gender has to be addressed. I'm
sorry to generalize, but I think men are just more forward. In a
'straight' situation, more often than not the man will approach the
woman. From watching my male gay friends, to put two men in this
situation, there is never an issue of who will make a move, it's
just a case of when. To flip the coin and put two women in this
situation, from my experience, there is more reluctance to make the
first move, so nothing gets done. Again, I am generalizing, but
when I go to lesbian bars, there is a distinct lack of talking,
compared with the palpable buzz and social interaction of male gay
bars or 'straight' bars. I'm no better though. I will be sat at the
bar just looking, hoping, and not getting off my arse to make the
first move, with men or women. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying
men are a necessary component of meeting someone, obviously not.
But they seem to have, if you'll excuse the pun, 'more balls' to go
and get what they want.
This could account for the success of the male app Grindr. Maybe
it's links to the high possibility of sex, and the more upfront
nature of men, is why Grindr has been so popular. It's for this
reason I question whether it could ever achieve this success with
women. But then, I know full well that women can be just as sexual.
Women have one-night stands, they enjoy sex, and they may relish
the prospect of a ready-made night of passion so accessibly. With
the lines between genders becoming increasingly blurred, maybe we
can digitally find a female 'buddy', no strings, no time wasted.
Should we just man up and find ourselves a woman?
I just can't get my the image out of my head of a room full of
people, eyes down, phones in hand, setting up a rendezvous when
they could just as easily say 'hello', face to face. Call me old
fashioned, but I don't want a romantic attachment to my mobile
As I said, maybe I am naive and romantic, and maybe I don't want
an encounter just handed to me on a plate (or on my mobile). Or,
maybe I should move with the times and see this as a fairytale for
the digital age, you never know, this could be a funny story of how
you met the love of your life. For now though, I would only
download this app out of curiosity, not with the intention of (to
quote the website) 'virtually prowling' for a woman, like I'm doing
an online shop. I am still giving credit to the rewards of
actually meeting someone through your own social interactions. Ask
me again in a few years, when the notion of true romance has lost
its charm, and I'm sure I'll feel differently, and I'll clogging up
your GPS on LezFindr.