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COOKIES & PRIVACY POLICY

Men: No You Can’t “Join In”

There were three in the bed and the lesbians said… Why do men think that we’d be happy to share our beds with them?

Fran Hayden

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 10:40:47 GMT | Updated 1 years today

Picture yourself in this situation - you're a straight woman in a club and a guy begins flirting with you. Before you know it, you're being asked if you'd like to join him in his bed/in a car/in a dark alleyway for something other than polite conversation. Now, you have a few options: you either accept this exciting opportunity or you down your drink and run as fast as possible back to your friends


Now imagine yourself in this situation - you're a gay woman in a straight club with your girlfriend, a straight man comes up to you and begins flirting, again, before you know it you're being invited to accompany him to the aforementioned places. It is now that you state to him that you are actually a lesbian and that the woman standing next to you is actually your girlfriend - not surprising really, seeing as she's had her arm around your waist for the past 15 minutes.


I've found myself in this situation many times and, being a lesbian, have found the responses from these men to be, in the nicest way possible… unsatisfactory: "But you don't look like lesbians" is the most common one we get, fair enough, you've been fed the media stereotypes of what a lesbian "is" for years, so I'll give you that one. But there is one inexcusable comment that my girlfriend and I have received many, many times, much to our delight (HA!):


"CAN I JOIN IN??"


Sorry, what? This either suggests that some men cannot understand plain English:

"Lesbian (adjective) of, pertaining to, or characteristic of female homosexuality" ie: we are women, who like women.


Or it suggests that some men are just plain rude. You wouldn't walk up to a hot girl in a club who has her boyfriend  standing next to her and ask if you can join in, would you? No, because you'd be asking for a punch in the face or a kick in the groin from the irate boyfriend! So tell me, why do these men think that it is appropriate to say this to lesbians? I have come up with three possible reasons. Men (if you happen to be reading), take notes:


1.     Sex toys - ok, they look like your manhood, but the point is they aren't your manhood: we don't use sex toys as a replacement penis. We can't help that they look like that; it's just what fits you know, up there. As a lesbian comedian once said, "It's not that we dislike penises, we just don't like them on men".

 

2.     Lesbian porn - produced by men, directed by men and made for men. Men feel like they've been allowed access to "lesbian" bedroom activities and they want to see this "real" lesbian sex in real life.

 

3.     Curiosity - men can't imagine what lesbians do in bed without a penis. Think about it, show a little imagination.


No. Just, no. Boys, men, I urge you to leave us be, you have no chance.  Your fantasy will never happen, where lesbians are concerned anyway. We don't want or need three people in our bed - unless it's a cat, there's always room for a cat.

 

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