I don't understand why anyone would think that my being a
lesbian is somehow a "waste", like throwing away perfectly good
fruit. I've always found it quite a creative use of my natural
Last week my girlfriend and I were enjoying a late night
hand-in-hand stroll through Soho, when a bloke shouted, "What a
waste!" at us. Had we walked all the way back to the 1900's? What
ever happened to cat calling?
I turned around to see the culprit staring at me, and tutting like
my mum used to do when I left my broccoli untouched. I half
expected him to follow up with, "…there are sex starved men in the
world, you know!"
How could a man with no obvious natural ability accuse me of
somehow squandering my talent? It's not like I gave up a promising
career in heterosexuality; I was never that successful at
At least we had something in common; I wanted to set him straight
too. Boy when I was done with him his days of abusing random
strangers would be well and truly over. In the end, however, I
settled for a cold hard stare and an epic flounce off. I think he
got the message.
I'm told that people mean such things as a compliment. The
implication being: I could get a man if I wanted. I could also get
a degree in Parapsychology from Coventry University, but I don't
want to be a clairvoyant - or do I?
I have a sneaking suspicion that it might be the 'waste of space'
that troubles people. They imagine my vagina standing empty and
disused like a rundown fairground ride. But it's not a condemned
mineshaft. There's no 'Keep Out' sign hanging at the
What some people fail to understand is that being a lesbian is
about so much more than sex. It's about helping your girlfriend
pick through a rubbish sack looking for an earring that she's not
entirely sure she even dropped in there. It's about accompanying
her to IKEA on bank holiday Monday to buy a bracket for the broken
kitchen cabinet, only to be told it's been discontinued. These are
the sort of useless pursuits that are still worthwhile, when you
find someone you love spending time with.
I can't speak for my girlfriend, of course, but I'm sure I'm not
entirely wasted on her.