I'm not sure why it is, but when I find out that someone is a
lesbian they become exponentially more interesting. I call it, 'the
lesbian effect'. Women I thought were funny get funnier, clever
women become genius, and even attractiveness is increased
It happened recently with someone I met through work. The more I
saw her in action, the more I became convinced that she was
lesbian, and by definition more interesting. I noticed she had a
'way' about her, like she was packing some serious attitude. We
hadn't exchanged much more than conspiratorial looks over soy
cappuccinos, but I could tell that I liked her.
I didn't think for one moment she was straight. She couldn't be,
she was far too interesting. I pictured her going home to her artsy
flat, and her artsy girlfriend, and reciting Balzac in the
So I really wasn't prepared for her to say, "What does your
boyfriend think about you working late? Mine hates it."
What? How could she think I was straight? How could she be
I said, "Girlfriend actually", to which she replied, "Oh really.
You'd never guess...from the way you are."
What? What 'way' is that? I thought she was the one with the
'way'. Now I'm confused, somehow we've got our ways crossed.
As the conversation goes on, all her 'interesting' begins to fall
off. I discover that her 'way' - which moments earlier I'd found
charming - is actually just plain gruff and unattractive. I've
mistaken a brusque demeanour for a sexy lesbian attitude.
I hear the thud of high expectations hitting the floor, or was it
was the sound of her falling from grace?
But then 'the lesbian effect' begins to work in reverse. I've
become more interesting to her. Her stock is falling, but mine is
rising. I've gone from common-or-garden straight girl to exciting
lesbian. I can sense her desire to add me to her 'collection' of
'alternative' friends. Evidently she doesn't have 'a lesbian'
friend. Out lesbians are as rare as hens teeth apparently, which
makes me dinner party gold.
Now, she's floating the idea of us going for drinks to 'catch up'
properly. That's clearly code for her to interrogate me in the back
room of a pub. Oh god she wants a trophy lesbian. I need to leave
now before she has me stuffed and mounted.