I've just spotted a couple of lesbians in the queue in front of
me at the airport. I can't believe it. Lesbians. At the airport.
What could they possibly be doing here?
I love lesbian spotting. It's like the frisson of excitement you
get from seeing such rare birds where you least expect to. I feel
the need to record it. I'm not superstitious, but I always consider
seeing a pair of lesbians good luck, or is that a single
I feel stupidly excited when I spot another lesbian couple. The
longer the gap between sightings, the more my anticipation builds.
Then boom, it happens. It's like finally turning over a card that
matches my own. I'm desperate to be the first to call out
But apparently that kind of reaction is not good form. If you and
your partner pass another lesbian couple on the street, you must
make eye contact, smile and do a little nod and a chin lift, before
continuing gaily on your way. Them's the rules.
When the couple in front see me I'll have to perform a, 'lesbian
nod'. It's an acknowledgement, like the little wave that bus
drivers do when they pass another bus driver, but far more stealth.
It's a silent Sapphic approval between the nodder and noddee that
says, "yes, hello, I see you, we both like the ladies."
Unfortunately, I've never quite got to grips with the nod. It's
the last bit, the chin lift, I can't master. Only an infinitesimal
eyebrow raise separates friendly from flirty. I'm so afraid my nod
will be mistaken for a come-on that I always fluff it. It looks
less like a 'lesbian nod', and more like I'm suffering from
The lesbians are on the move. They've finished checking in and now
they're checking me out. There's only a split-second window for
simultaneous acknowledgement. I brace myself and bust out my best
nod ever. I've totally nailed it.
But they continue walking. No nod. No smile. Not even a
I stare back at my girlfriend in disbelief. I quite clearly gave
them 'the nod'. They took my nod and didn't return it. To them I'm
just another straight girl with swimmer's ear.