A good relationship (a good lesbian relationship included) is
like a bad Eddie Murphy movie - you get to play both the male and
I like it that way. I can have hard day at the office AND get mad
at myself when I haven't got dinner on the table when I get home. I
can literally bake my cake and eat it too.
So I find it strange, especially given the fact that my girlfriend
and I are lesbians, that some people want to know who's 'the man',
and who's 'the woman'. I thought the point was there was no man -
not even figuratively.
They'll ask, "Who does the cooking?", which is really just their
way of asking who wears the trousers. It's ridiculous. We both wear
the trousers - and the skirts.
I don't like the idea of playing a role within a relationship and
not being yourself. It doesn't sound like fun; unless of course one
of you is a beautiful misunderstood bad girl in prison for a crime
she didn't commit, and the other a lonely and confused prison
governor who befriends her. Then it's okay.
When my girlfriend and I first got together we had the odd mix up
over who was doing what. Things got done twice or not at all. When
we packed to go on holiday, for example, it was a gamble as to
whether we'd have what we needed the other side. It was double or
nothing - I raise you two hairdryers, and I see you no
After a while some unwritten roles began to emerge. We didn't sit
down and decide on who was doing what, we didn't even speak about
it - it just happened. We just did what came naturally.
Now we've got our packaging routine down to a tee; I lay
everything out on the bed, and my girlfriend squeezes everything in
the case with great aplomb. It suits both our natural abilities:
she has the mental agility and spatial awareness of a The Kyrpton
Factor contestant, and I enjoy laying out on the bed. She even does
that rolling up your smalls and putting them inside shoes type of
So that's how we role; sometimes I "cook", sometimes my girlfriend
"cooks", and sometimes we like to eat out.