Being the only single in the room can be a daunting experience,
to say the least. Couples are here, there, and everywhere - each
routing through their Facebook to find you the perfect woman. Of
course you can't find a girlfriend on your own, that's why you're
single, right?
The pressure on single women is enormous, and the popularity of
the idea that your life must be incomplete without another half is
downright frustrating. It gets worse though. Your couple-friends
are beginning to categorise you. That's right, you're in the
"single" friends-list.
Some women tend to categorise their friends into groups. For
example, single-friends are reserved for a night out on the town
and couple-friends are reserved for coffee or meals. There are both
"attached" and "single" friend-categories that pre-determine your
social ability. It makes me wonder, are meals too boring for the
single woman? Are couples too settled for a night out? Maybe
alcohol is a stimulant needed to occupy the single-brain? We
decided to ask DIVA readers what they thought.
Whilst some coupled-up readers said they prefer to socialise
with other couples, others said they didn't mind either way -
personality was the main factor that determined people for the
occasion. On the other hand, some single women argued whether they
would prefer to socialise with couples or singles. It's
complicated, but I tried to figure out the bottom line.
What the coupled-up women think
Two's company?
"I prefer to hang out with couples… single people are generally
more wanting to 'find' someone than just existing" said one
coupled-up reader, apparently suggesting that she finds that single
women are harder to please. Whilst you're in a relationship, does
single-dom appear unsettled and indecisive?
Overall, perhaps, the couple-perspective on single friends isn't
so good. "I never trust a single girl with us or around my wife…
the lesbian world has zero boundaries when it comes to other
people's property" said one, interestingly.
However, some couples are not as happy as they might appear.
After all, in theory a woman in a couple could be just as likely to
form a romantic attachment to your partner as a single woman. So
why separate your friends?
Couples: personality counts for more!
"My partner and I spend time happily with single lesbians and
couples, as long as we all get on what's the difference?
Personality does seem to matter more than social-status to some
women. Another coupled-up woman argued that her friends aren't
categorised into singles and couples, "it depends on the
personalities of the women much more so than their relationship
status." Which seems fair, but think about this scenario: you have
one spare ticket to see gay icon Steps on Saturday night - front
row seats, I might add. Who are you more likely to invite - your
single and Steps-fanatical friend, or your other Steps-loving
friend who you never see on weekends, because that's
girlfriend-time? Thought so. Maybe we're capable of categorising
our friends sub-consciously, on terms of who can give us more.
Singles should stick together?
What about all the singles who are friends with couples? Can
this be difficult? One reader said, "If I'm with a friend or
partner, it's so awkward being the other person". Being the
third-wheel might raise awareness of your single status, and make
you more self-conscious that you're without a partner.
Is there pressure to be like your coupled-up friends? Another
reader said, "sometimes couples have their own dramas or issues and
they bring that into the social scenarios with them". This can be
very awkward - especially if the couple argue in front of you. And
what if you have more in common with one partner than the other? Is
there a sense of guilt that one partner is receiving more of your
attention than the other?
The bottom line
Advice blog datesurvival.com is one site that has explored the
compatibility between single friends and married friends, its
writer complaining that "all of my married friends seem to
predetermine that I can't be happy spending time with them" and
they "apologise for being too boring". As a single woman, it
doesn't mean you need more entertaining or brain stimulation to
keep yourself occupied. To categorise and label your friends on the
basis of their social status is silly. Single women are just as
capable as drinking coffee, or watching a film as women in
couples!
We are sometimes made to feel that having another half is the
most ultimate state possible, and single-dom is a downward spiral
of loneliness and depression. This is not true. These days, the
label's "single" and "taken" only capitalise on a sex-driven
society that adds pressure upon day-to-day life and friendships.
Personality traits and identity are not defined on whether you have
a girlfriend and are having regular sex or not. Being single isn't
just a state of limbo until you find that special someone - it can
be much more than that. One reader put it nicely when she said,
"single women can be disinterested, taken women can cheat, all
women can be fabulous, hence not really worrying much about
categories!".
datesurvival.com
