So, you've spent years struggling to get people to accept your
sexual identity. You've endured every cliché going; nodding along
to the auntie who said, "Oh, it's just that you haven't meet the
right man yet", clenching your fists in anger at the "best friend"
who confidently predicted, that "in a few years you'll give it all
up, marry a man and have kids", devising witty come-backs for the
irritating guys in bars who claimed that one night with them and
you "wouldn't be a lesbian anymore".
In retaliation you plastered your wall with posters of lesbian
icons, that famous one with the two girls kissing in bed
strategically placed for everyone to see. You stuck rainbow flags
on your car, chopped your hair off and made sure to announce
proudly to everyone: "I AM A LESBIAN!!" You grafted and grafted for
them to accept you. And finally you emerged triumphant. These days,
your family welcomes your girlfriend into their home, arms
stretched out wide. They don't even mind you squeezing into your
old single bed together, fully aware of what you might be getting
up to. They finally get it: you will never be with a man; you are a
lesbian for life.
Or are you? Most gay women have had to fight so hard to get
people to accept their identity that even the most fleeting thought
about being with a man brings the potentional for a melt-down. The
idea of having to endure a barrage of "I told you so's", the smug
look on your mother's face, the patronisng comments like, "Well, at
least you've got it out of your system now" are enough to make any
lesbian bury such thoughts in the deepest darkest corner of her
mind.
These days, bi-curiosity amongst straight women is largely
accepted, trendy even. After all, straight women have never had to
battle to get people to accept that they are straight. Bi-curiosity
amongst lesbians however is a whole different ball game. When a
straight girl reveals she is curious about girls people tend to
think, "Oh, good for her, she's comfortable with the fact that
she's straight but she's open-minded". When a lesbian reveals she's
curious about guys, for which there is not even a term because so
few are willing to admit it (we'll call it guy-curious) people tend
to think, "I knew she wasn't really a lesbian!" or "It was
just a phase".
Read the rest of this feature in the June issue of DIVA
available
here
