With five out of the designated eight weeks completed in my
quest to get ready for a 'white collar' fight in York Hall
(November 16), you might well note that, time wise, it is all
downhill from here. And, while I suppose that's technically true,
something (or someone, namely my coach, Cathy Brown, www.cathybrown.co.uk) tells
me that we've still got of sweat, possibly blood and, almost
certainly tears, to go. Still, it's not just the balance of
days-passed versus days-to-go that has tipped this week, but also
my self-doubt versus self-confidence. Not that I've suddenly
decided I'm some kind of ex-champion like my coach; I'm still very
much a novice and cringe when I watch back videos of myself in
training…
But something major has shifted nonetheless and, what's more, I
literally felt this happen. Somewhere between Wednesday and Friday
of week 5, the heavy clouds of fear lifted, replaced by an
aggressive, clear blue and (although there are certainly a few
clouds still drifting in and out), I've got a fresh sense of
perspective. It might seem dramatic, but it's true: over the past
few weeks there have been moments when a flurry of (what, as it
turned out, were really not very hard) punches has made my body and
mind go into shock mode and although I was completely unhurt, I
would go home feeling like someone just reached into the darkest
moments of my past and played them in slow-motion on a big screen,
with me in the front row.
As you can imagine, those feelings have made life during Weeks
1-4 fairly unpleasant so I'm thrilled that during Week 5, I've gone
from fearing being hit (especially when sparring with very tall
men, see pic!), to fearing not hitting well; from worrying that I
can't cope with this, to worrying that I'll let myself down on the
night. Fear and worry may still be part of my day's food, but at
least they taste a bit better now, because, I'll be honest… I was
beginning to wonder whether I would ever find the grit I knew I
needed to fight and the teeth-clenching resolve I've displayed when
doing hard training sessions involving running, weight lifting or
cycling, but which I'd lost when it came to a full contact sport
like boxing. Sparring on Friday night became an opportunity to try
out the moves I had been working on all week, rather than an
exercise in keeping my head down and trying not to get hurt. And,
guess what? It was my best sparring session yet.
So, having taken this on as a primarily physical challenge, it
turns out that it's the emotional and mental stuff that's hitting
me hardest (pun intended). To the friends of mine this week who've
expressed a distaste for boxing and women's boxing in particular I
say this: in taking this journey to become a fighter, however
inexperienced, I (just like many keen professional and amateur
sports men and women before me I'm sure) must battle my past. With
that, comes an acceptance of my present and, hopefully, an
intangible kind of reshaping of my future: this experience -
learning to take knocks and come back with something gutsy that
puts me back in the game - can only make me stronger, more
self-confident and thus more likely to make the right choices for
myself. And, right now, I choose to give everything I have to the
remaining three weeks of fight training and, of course, to the
fight itself. Icanandwillsee this through, right until that last
bell. The question now is, will I win (and, what's more, will you
be watching)?
Fight night is 16 November 2012. To buy tickets (£25, £35 or
£45), contact: fightformind@yahoo.com
If you want to sponsor Lucy (all the money raised goes to MIND),
please visit www.justgiving.com/frylucy
