Channel 5's Candy Bar Girls is apparently the new happening
thing to be watching on the télébox. Or so my favourite
friendly-neighbourhood-lez mag DIVA would have me believe.
It's fun, hot, girls-only, realistic rather than caricatural,
and all so Soho through-and-through. Sacré bleu! Sounds almost too
good to be true, except that I couldn't possibly tell you because I
don't live in ENGLAND.
For me, in my Parisian bolt-hole, UK television is a massive
no-go: firewalls, brick walls, iron doors, you name it, it ain't
But I'm not giving up that easily on the prospect of a good
show. Especially one that finally challenges stereotypes with its
rugged no-cliches demeanour, its sultry tongue-in-cheek attitude
and its awesomely sexy "realistic portrayals". I'm going through a
rough time, dammit. It's all I have!
Determined, I take my broken heart and obstinacy to the first
dodgy website I find that promises to unlock the international
blockades, currently barring me from saucy lesbian goodness.
And there it is. One dodgy programme website later, I'm treated
to one flashy flash-page of PORN. Super, exactly what I needed.
Though thoroughly unable to watch a well-made, informative,
social-wildlife documentary about London's more diverse
inhabitants, I can however watch pornography as the unintentional
result of a mouse-click.
But speaking of porn, a fabulous new French movie has just hit
screens this last week. It's informed, intelligent and has a killer
title. Emilie Jouvet's Too Much Pussy charts the adventures of the
Queer X Porn Show troupe, a burlesque group of militant feminists,
as they voyage around France, performing their daring late-night
show. It's worth a peek if you can find it screening Britain.
Now I'm left with a tough decision. Sneak through the back door
of internet illegality by watching Candy Bar Girls, or enjoy
politico-sexual escapades under the guise of French-art house
auteur cinema. Difficult choice.
But I guess you can't have everything.
(Psst! Wanna see what you're missing, Brits?
Check out the Too Much Pussy trailer here.)