From the first woman to ever flirt with me (in a chatroom in
2004) to the date I had last week, the internet has been an
integral to the way I meet women and express my sexuality. I
appreciate the distance created by my monitor and yours, glad of
that little red box with the white cross in the corner of the
window as an exit sign in case I lose my nerve.
I'm not shy, but I tend to assume the women around me aren't gay.
I don't flirt with women unless we are literally standing in a gay
bar (and then only when I've had a couple of drinks). It's easier
to be rebuffed online than it is face to face. Online dating is so
much easier in that respect.
Unfortunately for me, it seems that going from the messageboard to
the bedroom isn't. When my eyes meet somebody's at a bar, I know
within minutes of talking to them whether I want to snog, marry, or
avoid. Online, it's a lot harder to tell whether there'll be sexual
chemistry when we meet IRL (in real life).
Kate*, a coder from Brighton, reckons this is a fundamental
problem with online dating. Her own experience has shown that while
you might find people whom you are compatible with on many levels,
it's no predictor of sexual attraction. "Usually I don't have
chemistry with people I'm intellectually/emotionally compatible
with," she says. She met a woman earlier this year with whom she
had an intense online connection but when they met Kate found that
they just didn't fancy each other: "We talked about it. I think it
was the first awkward conversation we had. Our friendship is still
good, it's just not as intense (nor as full of sexual hope) as it
was at first. Pretty much, my online dating life ends up with
awesome friends, lots of drama and a distinct lack of relationships
to compensate for the drama."
She does however recommend OK Cupid for its compatibility
algorithm: "It was the only site I've come across that has an
actively developed and well thought out algorithm. Ideally, I want
someone in the >80% for both friend and relationship match (two
separate scores) and reading the profile generally confirms that
Lauren tells a different story. "Just over a year ago, I met a
girl on a website called thegyc.com. We got talking a bit and it
turned out that this girl was already friends with all my friends
and my cousin; they all went to the same college. Not long after,
we met up for the first time with some mutual friends and really
got on well together."
Read the rest of this feature in DIVA's November issue,
on sale 25 October, 2012.
Buy your copy at
or from a branch of Sainsbury's, Asda, WH Smiths or from a
newsagent near you