I don't much buy into the whole 'new year, new you' idea. What's
wrong with the old you? The old you was fun; the old you knew how
to throw a good party and not worry about the hangover the next
day. The old you had their own style and didn't worry about what
other people thought. Why would you want to change?
It's not that I don't think it will work, I just think we have
enough identity problems already without having to change ourselves
every year. Of course, a new year can be the motivation you need to
make changes, that's not a bad thing at all; just don't put too
much pressure yourself. Let's take a different look at the most
popular resolutions and turn these usual failures into achievable
1) I WANT TO DIET AND LOOK LIKE A
Look babe, I don't want to be that person
but it's not going to happen; these people have personal training
every day of the week, live on macrobiotic diets of rice and stick
botox needles in their brows like it's a new sport. Do you really
want that? You're too busy holding down a job and pleasing your
girlfriend to have the time for daily six-hour workouts (unless
you're still in that honeymoon period with your new lady, eh?
Every year my mother and I make the same
mistake and make a big deal out of it; we had "A brand new you in
2002", "Feeling fit and alive in 2005", "Lose weight, feel great in
2008" and "Looking good, feeling fine in 2009" (clearly we thought
it would work if it rhymed). Did they work? Well, let's just say
I'm sitting on the sofa writing this, eating leftover Christmas
cheese and drinking port. So I have a new mantra: MOVE MORE. It's
simple and, apparently, it works.
Ladies, don't be hard on yourself, you're
beautiful just the way you are; as Anna Richardson says "I might
have big bingo wings, I might have huge flabby thighs, I may even
have massive great big knockers. But do you know what? They're
mine, it's my body and I love it."
2) GIVE UP DRINKING
Is this because of your indiscretions at
the Christmas party? Don't worry, everyone has forgotten about your
Full Monty-esque strip 'tease', it's just a shame you felt the need
to repeat it at the New Year party too. The point is, no matter how
much of a tit you made yourself, we have ALL done it in some form
at some time or other; just between you and me, I once performed a
rendition of Simply the Best before strutting around a play house
in a feather boa and falling out a window, but who hasn't? Like
with anything, you can only do something if you really want to do
it; if you enjoy drinking then you won't be able to give it up.
Just cut down; drink at weekends instead of the whole week, order a
spritzer to make your drink last a bit longer and drink a soft
drink in between the alcoholic ones. Your liver will thank you in
the long run and you'll never get your bum out in public again
through excessive vodka consumption, hopefully.
3) BE BETTER WITH MONEY
I'm just going to come out with this;
close your ebay account. I know you disagree with me but you CAN
have too many cat mugs, cat cushions, cat key rings and cats. This
is money that could be put to better use; put it in a jar, add to
it when you can and book that holiday you always wanted. As 'cute'
as cat paraphernalia is, cats are singlehandedly standing in your
way of living your life to your full potential. I'll tell you what,
let's do this one together; if you stop buying cat things, I'll
stop buying Cagney and Lacey DVD's. I promise. (No, I'm sorry, this
is too hard. You're on your own with this one.)
And so, let us raise a glass to the year 2013. It may feel a lot
like all the years that have preceded it and probably the same as
the years to follow, but this could be your year to do big things.
Just do what feels right and remember what you liked about the old
you; remember what you like about YOU.
Follow Ms Leeves on Twitter: @sleevsie22