So, you asked your best friend to book the Pride tickets. Then
you forgot to remind her and it's now Friday afternoon and you have
no ticket, no costume or anything. Absolute fail. Or is it?
Just because you haven't got a ticket to the main park doesn't
mean that's where all the action is. Did you know Brighton is a
real big place? Let's plan your day sista, since you were too crap
to do it yourself…
9am: pack bag. This should consist of the usual
handbag essentials of purse, phone, house keys, camera, sunglasses
and tic tacs. Things to leave at home include framed photos of your
ex, the phone number of your ex and those unresolved issues you
have with your ex.
10.45am: The parade starts at the Brighton
wheel at 11am. You do NOT want to be there, you need to be on West
Street near Churchill Square. The main reason is for convenient
toilets and the fact you can actually SEE the floats without
straining your neck and complaining about it all day.
1.30pm: You should have started drinking by
now. Whilst everyone is thrusting to Alexandra Burke in Preston
Park, you'll be on the beach with your pals, lapping up the sun and
drinking cider. This would be a good time to take pictures, before
you get too drunk and do 'that face'. Remember, the camera should
never be looking up; a double chin does not win friends on
Facebook.
7pm: I'll assume you skipped lunch and also
forgot to put on the next layer of sun cream, resulting in a
slightly drunk and reddened version of yourself. Since you're next
to the pier, fish and chips would be a real good idea now. And
whilst you're there, have a go in the penny arcade and ride the
ghost train. I'd avoid the waltzer though, especially after that
last vodka shot.
9.30pm: After being escorted off the pier for
'causing a disturbance', head down Madeira Drive to Concorde 2.
Their Girls on Top 3D UV Party will be heaving and you'll have to
queue but for only £7 before midnight, it's a steal. You also get
glowsticks, 3D glasses, gaydar freebies and free entrance to the
foam party at Revenge on Sunday.
1am: After a 'strategic' vom in the loo and
having sobered up a fraction, it turns out the girl in the cute
t-shirt wasn't winking at you, it's just a nervous twitch. You find
your friends on the dance floor and throw shapes in ways you didn't
think were possible.
3am: With make up running down your face,
stumble into Buddies Diner for a slap up breakfast consisting of
egg, bacon, sausage, beans, mushrooms and toast in a vain attempt
to 'beat the hangover'. The table next to you start singing YMCA;
by all means join in but don't throw your arms around, there's a
lot of coffee mugs and a high risk of scalding.
7am: You wake up in your own bed (don't ask me
how), with a phone number smeared across your right arm. Strangely,
you're in your pyjamas but your trainers are still on. What
happened?
Well, that pretty much sums up your Pride. My advice is that
next year, YOU book the tickets and join the masses in the park.
Don't leave it up to the BFF again. Oh, and don't go back to the
pier for a while, you won't be welcome after what you did…
Follow Sarah on Twitter: @sleevsie22
Brighton Pride is this weekend!!!
Tickets and info here:
pridebrighton.org
