I've just accidentally kissed my friend's new girlfriend on the
lips. I was going for a warm welcome, but things have become a lot
warmer than I'd anticipated.
I didn't mean to kiss her on the lips. I went to kiss her on the
cheek, but I slipped on the hallway runner and the jolt altered my
trajectory just enough that my closed lips briefly connected with
hers. If it had ended there it would have been okay, but we both
opened our mouths in surprise and there followed a sort of muffled
kissing sound. I have effectively properly kissed her on the lips:
awkward.
Should I acknowledge it -'laugh it off'- or pretend it didn't
happen? This is the reason I'm not a fan of the face kiss. It's
unclear whether you should do one, or two, or in the case of the
Swiss, three. There's too much room for error; too much risk of a
head but, a nose kiss or worse a total diss - where they go in for
the third kiss and you've already gone.
This kind of inappropriate intimacy is best reserved for
strangers, not people you are going to have to see again. I was on
the bus once and it pulled away quickly causing me to stumble
forward and place my hands on the window in front of me. What I
hadn't noticed was that there was a woman between the window and
me. I had my legs wide apart, my hands on the window either side of
her head, and my breasts were now touching hers. We had full body
contact; our 'areas' were actually touching until the bus came to a
halt. When I finally regained my balance I didn't know whether to
do a runner, or get her number.
What if my friend's girlfriend now thinks I'm that predatory
lesbian that she's read about in The Daily Mail? The end of the
evening is looming and all I can think about is the
'goodbyes'. I must not give her another inappropriate smacker
lest she think the first time wasn't an accident. But if I don't
acknowledge that she's leaving she might think I don't trust myself
to get that close to her again. This is wretched.
When the moment of truth arrives I'm so determined not to repeat
the earlier mistake that instead of going for the kiss I opt for
the hug. I suddenly and impulsively clasp her to my bosom as if
she's a long lost friend. She immediately begins to draw away, but
I'm still trying to pull off the goodbye hug. The whole thing has
turned into a sort of terrible protracted headlock. We are left,
holding on to each other, like two exhausted boxers, neither
wanting to break the clinch and face the inevitable embarrassing
fallout. I finally let go the hug only to hear my girlfriend making
plans for a re-match; dinner at their place next week. Oh God this
is only round one.
Follow Sarah on Twitter: @rubbishles
