It's Saturday night; I'm 13 years old, and I'm watching a blonde
woman in her prime jog through Central Park in a black tracksuit
and red bandana. She stops to buy a hot dog, as the music reaches a
climax; "Da da da da. Da dada da da." I have a date with Cagney and
Lacey - well Cagney actually.
I. Loved. Christine Cagney. She was smart, yet free-spirited; she
was tough, yet feminine. She was straight, yet she never did find
the right man.
Mary-Beth who? Lacey could have been permanently locked in the
'Jane' at the 14th Precinct for all I cared; it was Cagney I
couldn't resist. Maybe it was those Plain Clothes that spoke to me?
The sturdy boots, plaid skirts and puff-sleeve tops that seemed to
say, "I'm not completely ruling it out."
Cagney made me feel 'funny' inside. It wasn't a 'Haha', but more
of an 'Aha' moment. I didn't understand what the feelings meant,
but I felt things falling into place. I got a queer feeling
whenever Cagney came on screen; the same one I got when I saw
Belinda Carlisle make Circles in the Sand.
I felt I had to remain silent about this crush, after all it was
1988. My home town had only just got a Chinese restaurant. It
wasn't ready for this kind of revelation. So I kept it secret, in
my diary, with all the other important information about my life,
'I want some mega hold hairspray… I just bought The Christians new
LP… The spot on my face has now gone. Cagney & Lacey was
great!!! Sharon Gless is AMAZING!!!
Last week, some twenty odd years later, my grown up lesbian self
had another date with Sharon Gless. I had tickets to see my crush,
on stage, in the flesh. *Scream*.
My friends were incredulous that I was going out, on a Saturday
night, and missing Borgen. So I decided to fess up about my
feelings for Cagney. "Could you be more lesbian?" they joked,
"That's the oldest crush in the book. We had no idea you were such
a cliché!"
So I'm not rubbish, I'm a lesbian cliché. Well I don't care,
because if loving Cagney is wrong then I don't want to be
right.
