1) Lesbians are men hating feminists.
Well you know, who needs to shave right? And men? What do we
need them for! Well, actually, as hard as it may be to believe, I
actually do shave my legs, I even approach my armpits with a razor
too. And <whispers> I have male friends! And most of
them are lovely! I'm far from man hating, although I am most
definitely a feminist.
2) Lesbians are absolutely attracted to ALL
women.
Naturally. If you are a lesbian, you have to chase all women
right? Wrong! I mean, if you are wearing high-waisted jeans,
sporting a perm and smell a bit like wet dog, I am hardly going to
jump you now am I?
3) Lesbians love cats more than dogs.
It's an unwritten lesbian rule that all lesbians love cats.
However if this is true, how can it be that I am a lesbian who
despises cats? My mother-in-law has three and they are quite evil,
I assure you. I woke up with one on my head during a visit once.
Now your mother-in-law's pussy on your head at 8am is not a good
thing. I much prefer dogs, they have no other agenda!
4) Lesbians are known to move in after a first
date.
So we all know the "she brought her houseplant" on the second
date scenario. I think its fair to say lesbian relationships
can move quite quickly, but we don't move in that fast. We wait
until at least the third or fourth date, right?
5) Being near a lesbian can make you "catch"
it.
Ah, yes, I forgot, "gay" is contagious! How could I forget! I
must have caught it from my mum, wait, she is straight…my dad then?
Well no, he is married to my mum. My sister then? No, she is
married to a man too. Must be my brother then; he is as into women
as I am.
6) Lesbians have a secret handshake.
We have a club. Membership is by invite only. Did you not
know this ladies? You also get a toaster for every "conversion" you
make. Seriously though, as if we have a handshake. Though if we did
it would be pretty complicated if you think about all the things we
do with our hands…
7) Butch lesbians want to be men.
Yup! The checked shirts, the doc martins, heck, even the
dungarees! Any women who has ever worn a suit wants to be a dude.
We so long to have a penis that dressing as a man is as close as we
can get! Oh, wait… I have several cocks, yet no desire to be a
man. Another myth shattered!
8) Lesbians choose to be lesbians.
Of course we do. We choose the heartache if we don't feel we
will have support coming out. We choose to not have equal rights in
society. We choose to have stereotypes attached to us. As if being
a woman is not hard enough! Sigh… there is NO choice in this
one.
9) All lesbians look like lesbians.
What? Do we? How come I have been a card carrying member of the
Society of Lesbians for over 14 years and no-one has sent me the
uniform yet? Here was me thinking we relied on gaydar and our
secret (yet to be invented) handshake. I had better get in touch
with head office and demand my uniform at once!
10) Most lesbians secretly just haven't slept with the
right man yet.
Oh… so that's where I have been going wrong. I get it now. All
those men I slept with before I came out just weren't the "right"
man, which isn't surprising, as they all felt wrong somehow.
Funny though because as soon as I slept with a woman it felt so
right.
